University of Virginia Library

SCENE I.

Enter AGORASTOCLES and MILPHIO.
AGORASTOCLES.
Milphio , to you I often have intrusted
Matters of doubt, which wanted much advice;
They by your wisdom, labour, kindness, care,
And art, have all succeeded to my wish;
For which good deeds, I own I owe to you
Your liberty, and many thanks to boot.

Mil.
Old sayings, timely introduc'd, are clever,
Pye-crust and promises are made, 'tis said
But to be broken: now you wheedle me;
Your promises are sieves; they won't hold water;
Meer words of course; meer castles in the air.
But yesterday you wore out three bull thongs
Upon my hide—

Ago.
I am in love; and what
Through love I did, you should forgive, my Milphio.

Mil.
Nothing more just.—Why, now I am in love
O'er head and ears; let me give you a drubbing,
As you did me, and for no fault at all.
You should, you know, forgive a man in love.

Ago.
Why, if you long, and it will give you pleasure,
I give consent; bind, tye me up and scourge me.
You've my permission—

Mil.
Ay, but when you're loos'd,
If that permission you should then revoke,
I shall be hang'd.

Ago.
And dare I serve you so?
Whene'er I see you scourg'd, each stroke gives pain.

Mil.
I'm sure I feel that pain.

Ago.
And so do I.

Mil.
I would you felt it all. But what's your pleasure?

Ago.
Why should I lye? I love immoderately.

Mil.
Yes, yes, my back is sensible of that.

Ago.
I tell you, I'm in love with Adelphasium,
Our neighbour here, this pandar's eldest girl.

Mil.
You told me that before.

Aga.
I'm on the rack
With my desire—But Lycus, that vile pandar,
Her master—Dirt itself is not more dirty—

Mil.
Would you present him with some mischief now?

Ago.
With all my heart.

Mil.
Present him then with me.

Ago.
Go, hang yourself.

Mil.
But tell me now in earnest:
Say, would you wish to be a plague to him?

Ago.
I would.

Mil.
Send but this self-same me, I'll see,
He shall have plague and mischief too.

Ago.
You joke!

Mil.
Wish you, without all loss or charge of yours,
To see your mistress free?

Ago.
I wish it, Milphio.

Mil.
I'll see it done. Three hundred Philippæans,
Gold ones, you have within.

Ago.
Six hundred too.

Mil.
Three hundred are enough—

Ago.
Well then, and what
Will you do with them?—

Mil.
Peace! The pandar whole,
And with him, his whole family, I mean
This day to you a present—

Ago.
By what way?

Mil.
I'll let you know—Your bailiff Collybiscus
Is now in town: this pandar knows him not.
D'you understand?

Ago.
I understand your words—
But I'm quite ignorant of what you drive at.

Mil.
Ignorant?

Ago.
Troth, I am—

Mil.
Then I'll inform you.
Give him the gold to carry to the pandar:
And with it, let him say, that he's a stranger
Come from some other town, with a desire
To gratify an amorous inclination;
And wants some private place, where he may freely
Indulge his appetite. Greedy of the money,
The avaricious rogue will take him in;
And man and gold conceal.

Ago.
I like the plot.

Mil.
You'll ask him, if your slave is in the house:
Me, he'll suppose you mean; and answer, no.
No doubt then, but he'll be adjudg'd a thief;
And fin'd to pay of both the double value,
The slave and money.—He can't raise the sum:
Him then, and his whole family to you
The Prætor will decree in open court;
And thus our wolfish pandar's in a pit.

Ago.
I like the scheme.

Mil.
You'll like it more, when more
I've polish'd it—At present 'tis but rough.

Ago.
Unless you want me, Milphio, I am going
To Venus' temple; 'tis her feast to-day.

Mil.
I know it is.

Ago.
To see the courtezans;
And feast my eyes with harlot-finery.

Mil.
No, first begin the action of our plot.
Let's in, and well instruct your Collybiscus
How to behave, and carry on the cheat—

Ago.
Tho' love's my master, you I will obey.

Mil.
And I'll take care you shan't repent the deed.
[Exit Agorastocles.
There is in this man's heart a spot of love,
Which by no means can e'er be wash'd out clean,
Without much loss to somebody—And Lycus,
That wicked pandar here's a proper person.
At him the bolt of mischief is well aim'd,
And soon I'll draw the string. See, Adelphasium,
And Anterastilis are coming hither.
The foremost's she has turn'd my master's brain.
I'll call him—Agorastocles! Holla!
If you would see the sweetest games, come forth.

Re-enter AGORASTOCLES.
Ago.
What is this bustle, Milphio?

Mil.
'Tis your mistress,
If you would see her.

Ago.
May the gods reward you,
Who offer to my view this charming sight!