 | The Damoiselle, or The New Ordinary |  |
Scene II.
Bumpsey, Dryground, Valentine, Magdalen, Jane.Bum.
All this needs not Sir Humphrey.
Dry.
Do but heare patiently, and do your pleasure
J go not about to stop your course, Mr. Bumpsey.
Bum.
Nor J yours, Sir Humphrey; Nor your sonnes
here; Nor his Wifes there: Onely this Gentlewoman,
in mine owne right J may be bold
withall, while you depart my house, if you may
be intreated, so. Is not this right? Is not this
plain?
Mag.
Yet heare his Worship speak, good Bump.
Bum.
Good Whirby, what can his Worship speak? Or
your wisdome twarle for him, in this Cause; that
J do not understand already? Has not his Sonne
wedded our Daughter? How directly, or indirectly
has he not bedded her? How, directly or indirectly,
who meddles with that either? Let him have
and hold, possesse (Hmh.) and enjoy; do
his worst, and make his best of her, though she
be an Heire, J will not sue him out of her: No, J
protest; were it Ante Copulam, as it is post, J
would not crosse 'em. Is not this right and plaine
enough.
Dry.
But good Mr. Bumpsey, Brother Bumpsey, I
would call you—
Bum.
Keep your Brothers and your Goods to your
selfe, Sir, J have no need of 'em.
Val.
He will speake all himselfe.
Bum.
J am a plaine Fellow, and out of debt.
Mag.
J, let him run on.
Bum.
J sought none of your Allyance, J—
Val.
Has he the speed to run beyond himselfe?
Ja.
Yes, and bring himselfe about, J warrant you.
Bum.
Nor to be joyned with houses of great sound,
Whose noise growes from their hollow emptinesse.
J could have matcht my Daughter here, that was,
But now a Barronettesse in Reversion,
To a substantiall Heire of two faire Lordships.
Dry.
Perhaps no Gentleman.
Bum.
Yet honourable, Land-Lordship's reall honour,
Though in a Trades-man Son: when your faire Titles
Are but the shadowes of your Ancestry;
And you walk in 'em, when your Land is gone:
Like the pale Ghosts of dead Nobilitie.
Ha! Ist not so? Is not this right and plaine?
Dry.
Yes like the priviledge you use in your owne
house here.
Bum.
Nay I come up to you now Sir Humfry Dryground;
A Baronet to boot: Your son is like
T' inherit that deare paid-for title, but
(Youle give me leave to use my plainnesse)
Dry.
Freely.
Bum.
Your son (I say) is Heire to your bought honour.
Which may hereafter Ladifie my Daughter:
But where's the Land you once were Lord of? Ha!
The goodly Cornfields, Medows, Woods, and Pastures,
That must maintain the House, the Gownes, the Coach,
With all by complements of Horses, Hawks, and Hounds.
Val.
Now hees in.
Bum.
Where be the Parks, the Warrens, Herds, and Flocks?
Besides the Gardens, Orchards, Walks, and Fish-ponds?
Dry.
For that heare me.
Bum.
Ods pitty, give me leave,
You, that had all these once, in three faire Lordships,
To be wrought on, and tonyed out of all,
But a small pittance of Trois Cents per Annum,
By Providence intayld upon the Heire,
(Or thad had wasted too) which now maintaines you,
In a proportion of Smoak, and Sack,
To wash your mouth with after, where you live
Confin'd in Milford Lane, or Fullers Rents,
Or who knows where, it skills not—
Dry.
Must I heare this too.
Mag.
Now he has almost done.
Bum.
Can you (I say) think your good husbandry
A lawfull Precedent for your Gamesome son
To make my Daughter happy in a Marriage,
Though he had twice my Fortunes?
Ja.
Now hee's coming:
Beare but with this; and if he offer not
Bum.
But here's the substance of't, you have my Daughter,
Your Son, sir, has my Daughter, that must have,
And shall, my whole Estate at my Decease;
(No Law exacts it sooner) This Estate
You safely may suppose ten thousand pounds,
Which J have got by thrifty Industry.
Onely one thousand, J confesse, my Wife
Improv'd my Fortune with, Here's the just summe.
J give her leave to give it to her Daughter:
She may endow her Husband with it. So,
Is not this plaine? Now note me further, sir;
What J have left is my owne; and you, sir, may
Which what is theirs take hence your Son & Daughter,
Till you shall heare old Bumpsey is deceast.
Then let him come, and challenge all—that's left;
Mean time J know my course.
Ja.
Now chop in with him, Mother, you know how apt
Hee is to crosse you in these Moods.
Val.
Deare, worthy, honour'd, sir,
Bum.
sh't, sh't, sh't; Woman come you with me.
Mag.
J Bump. Let us go our way, and let them take
theirs agods name.
Val.
Pray heare me, sir.
Mag.
At this time, sir, he shall not.
Bum.
Shall not! He shall sure: Ods pity! shall
not: Are you pleas'd to speak, sir.
Val.
not to offend—
Bum.
Not to a Fiddlestick. Shall not! Can you speak or not?
If not, pray yell me so.
Val.
J married, sir, your Daughter.
Bum.
You may thank her Mother for't, not me.
Well, will you speake?
J married her in a firme hope to winne
Your Love and favour.
Bum.
Well.
Ual.
Which, since I have not yet; and time must worke it,
I would make this my suit.
Bum.
Would I could heare it once.
Ual.
That you would take
With re-acceptance of this thousand pound
Your Daughter and me into your Family.
Bum.
And why the thousand pound; doe's't burn your Fingers?
Give us but meat and lodging for't: My Father,
Out of his little left Estate will give us
A hundred yearely for other necessaries.
Bump.
With all my heart.
Val.
And as you finde my regular life deserve
Your future favour, so extend your bounty,
When Age shall call upon you to dispose
Of all your faire Possessions.
Bum.
Humh! A pretty od speech this! I would I knew
The meaning on't.
Val.
I mean, Sir, as I speak; that till you finde
Strong probability in me to manage
A good estate, you trust me not with any.
Bum.
Ha! Is it so? Then J come to a point with you.
Mag.
Marke him now, Sir Humfrey.
Bum.
You look, Sir, in my Daughters right, to have,
After my death, my whole Estate, by shewing
Me, in my life time, your good husbandry, by husbanding of nothing:
Y' have tane off halfe my purpose; for J meant
To have kept it in my power, whether to leave her
Any, or nothing: And, perhaps (d'yee heare)
By an odd course, that J was thinking on
Halfe of that power Ile put into your hands,
Ile try what you can do with something.
Mag.
Halfe? What meane you halfe?
Bum.
Even halfe of all J have.
Mag.
J hope you will not deal so.
Bum.
And as he deals with that, Ile use the rest.
Mag.
Pray be advis'd.
Bum.
Never by you 'gainst this:
Ile give him instantly the free possession
Of halfe J have: Now marke; if you increase,
Or keep that halfe, then, doubtlesse, J shall do,
As well with tother for you: If you diminish
Or waste it all, ile do the like with my part.
Mag.
Husband.
Bum.
Ile do't: Together we will live:
And Ile along with you in your owne course,
And, as you play your game, you win or lose all:
Thrive and ile thrive: Spend you, and J will spend:
Save, and Jle save; scatter, and Ile scatter.
Mag.
You won't be mad.
Bum.
Ile do't: Let him throw Money
Into the Thames, make Ducks and Drakes with Peices,
Ile do the like: till he has made a match
Or no match of my Daughter: There's the point
And the whole substance on't.
Dry.
Will you do so?
Bum.
Will I? Tis done. Ile make him a good husband,
Or be no husband for him: And so see
Whats mine, out of the danger of his waste,
And have some sport too for my Money: Ha!
I love to do these things.
Mag.
Nay, but in one thing, Bump let me advise you.
Bump.
In nothing 'gainst this course, good whirly: no,
Tis so set downe. I know I shall be counted
But the truth is, I love to do these things:
And so God gi yee joy.
Dry.
Ile take my leave Sir.
Bum.
Not so I hope, Sir Humfry.
Dry.
I have businesse,
And go well satisfied with this agreement:
And, Val. take briefly this my Charge: You are now
A Husband, be a good one: Y' have my blessing.
But (heark you) do you remember 'gainst the evening?
Val.
All Sir, all: I have spread my Nets already.
Dry.
Sir, fare you well.
Bum.
At your pleasure Sir.
Dry.
Ile shortly visit you.
Bum.
At your own good time Sir-
Exit Drygr.
These shall stay here, Ile blindfold them with Money,
And by a new way try, if they can grope
The right way into th' World. Come your way.
| The Damoiselle, or The New Ordinary | |