Cricket Songs and other trifling verses penned by one of the Authors of "Thistledown." [i.e. by N. R. Gale] |
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A DOG. |
 | Cricket Songs |  |
24
A DOG.
A dog I purchased in the Strand—
The vendor said he was a treasure,
But when I took the brute in hand
I found he was a doubtful pleasure.
The vendor said he was a treasure,
But when I took the brute in hand
I found he was a doubtful pleasure.
All dogs with stainless pedigrees,
Whose minds with honesty were glowing,
He greeted with a sort of sneeze,
As if they were not worth the knowing.
Whose minds with honesty were glowing,
He greeted with a sort of sneeze,
As if they were not worth the knowing.
And when Saint Bernard's noble pose
Gave little curs a thought of fleeing
The sneer upon my mongrel's nose
Was something really worth the seeing.
Gave little curs a thought of fleeing
The sneer upon my mongrel's nose
Was something really worth the seeing.
25
'Twas not as if he were the pick
Of barkers Franco—Scottish—Prussian;
He was an English—Arabic—
Germanic—Turko—Fiji—Russian—
Of barkers Franco—Scottish—Prussian;
He was an English—Arabic—
Germanic—Turko—Fiji—Russian—
Australian—Indo—Polyglot—
Malay—Canadian—Hanover—
Italian—Irish—Hottentot—
Siberian—Bechuana cur!
Malay—Canadian—Hanover—
Italian—Irish—Hottentot—
Siberian—Bechuana cur!
He bit three friends one afternoon
From pure desire to be offensive;
And all night long he howled the moon
With vocal range not unextensive.
From pure desire to be offensive;
And all night long he howled the moon
With vocal range not unextensive.
In vain expletives, boots and bricks;
In vain the air-guns of my neighbours!
That dog had yielded up his tricks
To neither cannonades nor sabres!
In vain the air-guns of my neighbours!
That dog had yielded up his tricks
To neither cannonades nor sabres!
The cats in envious silence sat
Upon my garden wall to listen;
And when he took the top A flat
You should have seen their eye-balls glisten!
Upon my garden wall to listen;
And when he took the top A flat
You should have seen their eye-balls glisten!
Perhaps because he was so lean,
So hopelessly and wholly knobby,
The reason was (O cur unclean!)
That bone-collecting was his hobby.
So hopelessly and wholly knobby,
The reason was (O cur unclean!)
That bone-collecting was his hobby.
26
And day by day, unduly fed,
Although his frame grew slowly thinner,
I watched him in my rhubarb bed
Inter the remnants of his dinner.
Although his frame grew slowly thinner,
I watched him in my rhubarb bed
Inter the remnants of his dinner.
Five cemeteries in a line
Bore witness to his undertaking:
There bones of sheep and pigs and kine
Reposed beyond the chance of aching.
Bore witness to his undertaking:
There bones of sheep and pigs and kine
Reposed beyond the chance of aching.
One day he started down the street
With jaunty gait, if somewhat jerky;
And later on, serenely fleet,
He brought me home an ample turkey!
With jaunty gait, if somewhat jerky;
And later on, serenely fleet,
He brought me home an ample turkey!
He also brought a yelling mob
Of urchins armed with sticks and pebbles,
Who, highly pleased to have the job,
Proclaimed his theft with husky trebles.
Of urchins armed with sticks and pebbles,
Who, highly pleased to have the job,
Proclaimed his theft with husky trebles.
When these were gone I looked around
To teach the brute the sin of prigging;
But not till sunset was he found
Amid the rhubarb softly digging.
To teach the brute the sin of prigging;
But not till sunset was he found
Amid the rhubarb softly digging.
But when I raised my stick to smite
He circled off to safer distance,
Not meaning to be impolite,
But hinting at a meek resistance.
He circled off to safer distance,
Not meaning to be impolite,
But hinting at a meek resistance.
27
Thrice did I strive to drown him. Thrice
He came home damp, but unrepentant;
All drugs that usually suffice
He swallowed with a grave contentment.
He came home damp, but unrepentant;
All drugs that usually suffice
He swallowed with a grave contentment.
At last I purchased dynamite
The imp to slay, to wholly ban it;
And if it bays the moon at night
It must be from another planet!
The imp to slay, to wholly ban it;
And if it bays the moon at night
It must be from another planet!
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