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The fidler's fling at roguery

(Canto verace odioso.) In several canto's. to be successively continued [by Edward Ward]

Ward, Edward (1667-1731)

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The Fidler's fling at roguery.

Canto I.

II.

Canto II.

[dedication]

[epigraph]

THE COMPLAINANT. SET TO AN AIR OF ARCANGELO CORELLI, &c. &c. &c.

The Argument of The Second Canto.

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Canto II.

Most humbly inscrib'd To His Most Sacred Majesty King GEORGE II. In hopes of future Benefit to Britons; And, as a Caution to his other Subjects, and all Nations: that ramble abroad, to study there.

Conscia Mens Recti Famæ Mendacia ridet.

Until the Time came that his Cause was known, the Word of the Lord tried Him, Psal. cv. v. 19.

Si Omnes qui Reipublicæ consulunt cari nobis esse debent, certè imprimis IMPERATORES:
Quorum Consiliis, Virtute, Periculis, retinemus & nostram Salutem & Imperii Dignitatem.
Cic. de Orat.

iii

THE COMPLAINANT. SET TO AN AIR OF ARCANGELO CORELLI, &c. &c. &c.

The Words are Nothing to the Case:
Only The Air shou'd here take Place.)
A most melodious Tune!—Wee'll own:
But Th'Words to Fid were never known.
He mean's, (Tho' They've been read and seen)
By Him They've ne're regarded been.

This Air inspir'd,—Tho', (many Days)
Put The stunn'd Fidler on Essays
To vindicate Th'Almighty's Ways.
By witnessing to Truths transacted:
(Altho' He for't be term'd distracted.)
Resolv'd, While Life last's, not to flinch,
Nor bate his Enemys an Inch:
But t'blazon their Arch Treachery
I'th' filthy Rags of Roguery;
Tho' BUTLER, that so well deserv'd,
For Flings at Roguery was starv'd.
Truths that, He think's, portend much Good:
(Tho' not by Man yet understood.)
That Fid's determin'd not to wince
Till He h's divulg'd 'em to his PRINCE,
And all the Sages of his Nation;
(To root up all like Devastation:)
For Briton's future Preservation.

Referring (without Self-Pretence)
To their great Candour and good Sense,
Th'Injustice done to Innocence.

The Argument of The Second Canto.

The Vision that the Fidler had,
For which he was proclaim'd for MAD.
How Pride, and Forms, and School-Degrees,
Prophane surpassing Mysteries;
And boldly term 'em Reveries.
How Academick Priviledges
To horrid Roguerys are Hedges:
And how Professors once combin'd
Unask'd to be so very kind,
To cure the healthful Fidler's Mind.
While these Wise Men of Gotham-Elves,
In their Account forgot Themselves.

Talibus attonitus Visis ac Voce deorum. Virg. Æne.

I am not mad, most noble Festus. Acts xxvi. Ver. 25.

Fairly to state the Case, we must
Tell you what 'twas gave that Disgust
That Th'Student into Limbo thrust.

Then, very far from being Mad,
It happen'd that The Fidler had

Seen a strange Vision, in his Bed:
And that's the Truth; what e're be said.

One Summer's Morning, as He lay;
His Eyes wide open and broad Day,
A lovely Youth with awful Mein
At the Bed's Foot by Him was seen
Smiling upon Him, as He lay,
As if He h'd something kind to say.

At that The Student, in a Maze,
Flung back his Curtains keen to gaze;
And saw a beauteous youthful Face,
With flowing Locks, and easy Grace:
Whose wishful Looks did represent,
The eager Message, Sure, He meant
And was on to The Fidler sent.

But while the Man, all terrify'd,
Shifted, and peer'd, from Side to Side,

The Youth gave an amazing Start
And darted on The Fidler's Heart.
But by a most stupendous Might
Was metamorphos'd in the Flight,
And, in a very Breath, became
A rapid Eagle:—if the same.
For, in the Twinkling of an Eye,
Like gushing Waters did He fly;
And pitch't an Eagle boldly chest,
Directly on The Student's Breast;
He fondly cover'd and caress't.

With hov'ring Wings, and wanton Head,
He turn'd thereon, and then He stay'd;
Sat calmly down, and rested there,
With a delightful comely Air;
Whose bright dunn Feathers lovely were.

Gracefully spreading then his Tail,
Strait it became a Coat of Mail;

Cov'ring The Fidler's Breast; Apparel
Made up of bright Steel Pistol-Barrels:
Like smaller Organ-Pipes so bold,
Polish't and glitt'ring above Gold:

Waving his Head, then, strait his Eye
Was sweetly fix't toward the Sky:
Then He The Fidler views; and then
His Eyes are upwards fix't again:
Then, with a couching fond Embrace,
He cover's Fid; Breast, Arms, and Face,
As if designing to adhort
The Man to make his best Effort,
To work his way up to the Skies,
By being bravely Good and Wise:
And, after Proofs of Virtue given,
To seek his chief Reward in Heaven.
A Sight so strange rais'd Jealousy
'Twixt Fear and Curiosity.

Whence Fid, with deep Ejaculations,
Amidst his awful Consternations,
Forcing the Curtains open wide
(That Truth or Fancy mought be try'd)
The more his Splendours He espy'd:
That King of Birds, gay as a Queen,
With a caressing comely Mein.

Whence, seiz'd with a deep panick Fear,
Feeling some ghostly Power near,
Fid, taking to extatick Prayer,
To rouse his Mind from Fears and Care
Sternly besought of God Relief
Sufficient to dispel his Grief.

Then, starting up in's Bed, to try
What might be in this Prodigy,
His Eagle with a ghostly Might
First couching down, then rais'd upright
Like Lightning, flash'd away in Flight.

The Fidler now, tho' keen to gaze,
Saw Him no more:—But, in a Maze,
Sat ruminating, in a Fright,
The meaning of so strange a Sight.

So strange, tho' nothing understood,
The Thoughts on't fir'd The Fidler's Blood:
That, from that Hour without Controul,
He felt a strange Warmth through his Soul.

For, as He went, large Rays of Light
Seem'd always streaming from his Sight.

He saw, too, when He turn'd his Head
All that beheld Him seem'd afraid;
The keener Aspect of his Eyes
Striking Beholders with Surprize:
And these his præternatural Rays
Continued with Him many Days.

The Thoughts, Tho', of so strange a Sight,
Still kept The Fidler in a Fright,
And sorely pusled Day and Night.

While, many Nights, A certain Star
Pointed A famous Conqueror
So strong in's Thoughts, do what He cou'd,
It seem'd to call Him forth to Good;
And to trace Virtue:—tho' in Blood.

Affected thus with Apprehension
Of some strange Turn, from Fate's Intention:
Fid went to ask A clever Sir,
Cloath'd with a publick Character,
A Question (He own's very odd,
But yet He think's inspir'd by God)
Relating to his KING and LAND;
Ush'ring it in with A Demand:

Perhaps design'd, by bare Proposing,
(Altho' th'Occasion of Exposing
The Fidler to much Ridicule)
A Means to bring Him in To Rule,

Which shou'd it do,—'Tis probable
There may be strange Effects o' 't still:
(Tho' th'Answer and the Explication
Seem'd quite to dash Fid's Expectation:)
For what is in The Fidler's Heart
Pow'r and Time only can impart.
Because (To wave Bombast Rehearsal,)
He find's his Aims all Universal;
And He's the very Man He's quoted:
To Poor and Publick All-devoted.

For Ever was his Bent of Mind
Prone to the Wellfare of Mankind;
Nor did He ever find his Itches
Were after Power to get Riches;
But To do Justice:—and to put
A strict Distinction (as All ought)
Between what's Worthy and What's not.

Whence 'tis, He think's, his Question wa'n't
Prophane, Tho't seem extravagant.

Nor know's He why He singl'd out,
Of all Men, Him He did; Without
Some Secret Pow'r had urg'd Him to't.
Wherein He acted (if't can be
And ever Man did) passively.

'Tis true, H'expected from his strange
Vision a most surprising Change:
And that his Eagle did import,
His Risquing hard,—and Rising for't.
But when, or whence, He knew no more
Than He does yet,—now He's so poor;
Yet's in the same Mind as before.

For, Had this from Distemper been,
From th'Cause th'Effects wou'd have been seen;

And growing worse and worse, besure,
He h'd needed Med'cines for a Cure;
Whereas, He never took one Grain,
Wou'd Le---d---n Doctors ne're so fain.

No: Nor yet has He, to this Hour,
And yet's as well as e're before;
And was, before his Vision, too
As Compos Sui as Any of you.

That's—In a perfect State of Health,
Till Eagle-lanc'd by Ghostly Stealth.

Tho', Had it been some Visitation
From th'Hand of God,—for Castigation;
What Plea can be for sly Pretences
To ruin Folks for Loss of Senses?

Now, Be't as't will:—Fid's going thither
(By Choice, or Impulse, Choose You whether;)
Was, Quantum novimus, Th'Occasion
Of all that subsequent Invasion
Of British-Right, in Foreign Nation,

Enhaunc'd with grossest Aggravations,
Against the well-known Law of Nations.

For TH'COURTLY 'SQUIRE, to whom He went,
Not smoaking what The Student meant,
Resolv'd his Question to resent.

And b'cause The Fidler miss't a Bow,
So “Die He must,—no matter How.
For THAT was all the Reason why
There needed such Barbarity,
T'have Him so cruelly demolish'd:
(This comes of being too rough polish'd.)

But, sure, a Prince's Goodness is
Much stain'd by such like Blemishes,
Eclips't and lost where H's M---n---st---y
Dare wanton 't thus in Cruelty;
With a so scandalous Design,
Imperiously to undermine,

A Native's Right in Foreign Land,
As if done by his King's Command;
Whence King and Country are disgrac'd,
By wanton Tyranny barefac'd.
Thus practising Abominations,
To bring on needless Desolations,
To th'Scandal of all Christian Nations:
Inveighling Some To truck their Faith,
To mangle a poor Man to death,
To gratify a Wanton's Wrath.

No Fool in Politicks, perhaps,
Yet, sure, There may come After-Claps.

As there's a God above, that will,
Bring Him t'Account for all that Ill,
He h's caus'd—To gratify his Will.

'Tis true The 'Squire knew not the Reason
Why Th'Fidler did not bow in Season,
Yet,—sure, ill Breeding is no Treason;

And now We'll tell You whence it came,
Then judge if He's so much to blame,
That He, for seeming too unpolish'd,
Must be so cruelly demolish'd.

The Fidler, then, got int' a Palace,
Thought not of Compliment but Solace.

For's Head was full of mighty Things,
(As serving honest States and Kings:)
But all his Toes had lost their Skins.

Besides—He scarce cou'd fetch his Breath,
He felt such Throbbing: As if Death
Approach'd, Or, As if Life was struggling
To cure the treach'rous World of Jugling:
And, tho' so tir'd, and all in Sweat,
He ne're sat down, (To ease his Feet)
But, just one Moment,—To look Great.

But wheel'd and wheel'd about the Room,
Till Excellency there shou'd come:

Who', Tho' Fid ask'd for Board and Bed, Sir,
Found that He well knew what He said, Sir;
And gravely gave a handsome Answer,
As a good Statesman shou'd and can, Sir;
(And w'll own, herein, Fid's no Romancer.)

He ey'd the Sash about his Trunk,
And thought perhaps The Student Drunk;
Then Th'Book in's Breast: and chance, That mought
Confirm his Thoughts, beyond all Doubt;
And force Him to conclude, with Speed,
Sure! This Man's Drunk, or Mad indeed,
That comes Here with so little Heed.

And Thence it was, as We suppose,
The Student lost Beds, Books, and Cloaths.

For, Fid retiring, very lame,
No sooner to his Colledge came,
But He h'd a Pennance for the same.

And yet, Tho' He was haul'd about,
As if a Madman:—There's no doubt,
THE LORD'S WAYS ARE PAST FINDING OUT.

However, being deem'd so bad,
It was resolv'd, On's dying Mad,
Shou'd go Beds, Books, and all He had.

Because a Party then attack't,
And doom'd Him to be thus ransack't,
That have their Brains for ever rack't
To keep still working up Confusion,
Till proper Time for Blood-Effusion:

A PARTY ever glad to join
All British Rights to undermine:
(And with an Envoy too!—That's fine.

The Rights too of all freeborn Men,
TO BRING 'EM TO BE SLAVES AGAIN.

Sworn Enemies to Liberty,
Ever promoting Tyranny:

Whence, any Thing That best amuse's
The Publick, is much for their Uses.

Hence 'twas so readily They join'd
To help to cure a Student's Mind,
By's being ill us'd and confin'd:
That, with a Cloud of noisy Pother
About a Trifle, They mought smother,
And keep still darker, Their Design
Establishments to undermine.
This Party laugh's, The 'Squire pursue's
With Rigour his determin'd Views:
Eager upon demolishing
A Man, for want of Polishing:

Accordingly concert's his Measures,
With Help of Tr---trs and his Tr---sures,

To execute a Scheme They laid,
To have A Briton's Right betray'd:
(For which The Tr---trs well were paid.)

First, To report The Man for Mad:
And then aver his Case so bad,
That Th'Rector ought, To forecome Danger,
To tie Him up to Rack and Manger:

Then—Tho' not Mad, when once They'd said so,
To take Care that He shou'd be made so.

No sooner then The Plot's agreed,
But t'Execution They proceed:
When, like the grossest Villany,
All's to be done clandestinely:

And, First, They must (To break through Fences)
Hatch, for a Blind, some smooth Pretences,
To prove Their Student out of's Senses.

Next, must the br---b'd and chief Aggressors,
Take Care to Hood-wink The Assessors:
All Those, at least, that wou'd n't join
A Stranger's Right to undermine;
And Student's Privilege:—when sold
For such a handsome dab of Gold.

These must be so impos'd upon
That They must never know what's done:
But from a close contriv'd Tradition,
Still bamm'd upon 'em, by Physician
More heathenish than old Magician.

Whence, To be sure, They w'd say and do,
What Th'Others wou'd persuade 'em to.

Thus joining R---ges implicitly
They mischief'd in Simplicity.

The Scheme then, thus far dress't, They thought
Time by The Fore-Lock must be caught:

And, That their Skits might not be blown,
They bang Reports about The Town
Their Student is a Madman grown:

When, To delude The Rabble-Rout,
And To remove all future Doubt,
They swear their Books all make it out.
Wherein no Man half so officious,
As young Professor lame and vicious.

Who, and the Rest so play'd their Game,
To Th'Student's Ears it never came,
Till He perceiv'd how He was snar'd:
(Anon you'll hear, too, how He far'd.)

The Vision, Tho',—e're since He saw't,
Had fill'd The Fidler full of Thought:
Whence, very pensive, and sedate,
He w'd walk Abroad, To ruminate,
And, when too hot, He w'd wipe his Pate.

100

This, by some sly Philosophers,
And br---b'd Time-serving Sophisters,
Was term'd all Frenzy and Delusion,
Certain Effects of an Illusion:

Who, from gross Self-Conceit maintain,
All They can't understand is vain:
Thus They're, by being blind, prophane:
Accounting thus for all They hint,
“Effects are to their Causes link't:
(While oft their Guess ha's nothing in't.)

For, Tho' that Axiom be most certain,
Their Inferences are uncertain:
When Low'ring Things to humane Sense,
(Because a Myst'ry give's Offence)
Bring's a fallacious Consequence;
And Premisses, when misapply'd,
By The Conclusions are deny'd:

101

However Sparks sophistical
Sneer at, and Jeer, Things mystical,
By Quirks and Turns atheistical.
Whence (By an awkard Application,
And positive Asseveration,)
They oft graft Errors upon Truth:
From Fancy, Pride, and Forms, forsooth.

Boasting their Learning comprehend's,
A Reason for what e're God send's:
(Thus blasphemous for lucrous Ends!)
That, What exceed's their haughty Reason,
Strait prompts 'em to atheistick Treason.

For They'll explode, or mutilate
To bring 't within Reach of their Pate;
As if Things extraordinary,
Must dwindle down, Or else must vary,
To fit a shallow School-Vagary.

102

Then stigmatise all That gainsay 'em,
As 'f Owning Truth was To betray 'em:
When after all their Pothers still,
Sure, Truth is Truth, tho' conceiv'd ill;
Tho' Mortals are so at a Loss
To strange Effects to find a Cause,
What's Fact is Truth—and will be Poz.

Sure then 'tis dangerously rash,
With Nick-Names barbarous and harsh,
To slur the signal Acts of God;
Because by Them not understood:
To God thus boldly give The Lie,
Because They ha'n't The Reason why:
What horrid arch Impiety!
But, Tho' They dare do so, Th'Effects,
Will shortly shew the vast Defects,
And Fondness of such Intellects:

103

When They with Shame must truckle, still,
And Arts resign to Th'Divine Will.

Learning and Reason then must bow,
The Will of God, They must allow,
Act's many Things They know not how.
And so it is infallibly,
If ever was a Mystery.
Eldad and Medad tho' They went
Not to the Tabernacle, tho' sent,
E'en in The Camp did prophesy:
And what but That the Reason why?
Let 'em tell What else (if They can)
Turn'd Saul into another Man?
And made all, irresistably,
Saul's Messengers thrice prophesy?

What else made Saul pull off his Cloaths,
And sacred Majesty expose,

104

To lay down naked, Day and Night,
In Samuel's and The Prophets Sight?

Dare They pronounce, Because unclad,
The Lord's Anointed to be mad?
Or call, from proud vain Inferences,
The King of Israel out of's Senses?
Or any Prophets of The Lord
B'cause naked, Mad? tho' inspir'd of God?

Can such account for any Vision,
From Causes and Effects Cohesion,
Better than by a bold Derision?

But, Not t'insist on Inspiration,
Know They the Reason o'th' Creation,
With all their Books and Observation?
Shall Such then censure The Creator,
That can't near comprehend The Creature?
How lamely do They All account
For many ('mongst the vast Amount)

105

Effects (tho' daily felt by all)
From Causes meerly Physical?

Instead of giving Satisfaction,
Their Guesses breed but more Distraction;
The Axiom's puzzl'd by fresh doubt,
The more They strive to make it out.

Can They explain what make's The Sun
When at the Solstice to return?
Or What 'tis give's that Paradox
'T always observe's at Th'Æquinox?
What Cause can They assign for 't, still,
More Than a Fidler at his Will?

Must They not end i'th' Will of God?
And when They come to That—'t's allow'd.

Are there not Mysteries of Nature
Found in each individual Creature?
So great, The Learned own, The more
They find The more They h've to explore:
(Matter ha's so much in her Store.)

106

And, if The Fidler shou'd n't know 'em,
Go, talk with BOERHAAVE—and He w'll show 'em:
He, without looking on his Book,
Will con You o'er Boyle, Liewen-Hoek,
Newton, Ruys, Derham, and The Rest,
That make God's Works more manifest:
And, Get but Once amongst his Store,
He w'll shew You Them and many more;
And (if You'll ask Him) reach their Book,
And shew You—if They have mistook.

Here shall You find a vast Amount
Of Things for which Man can't account;
More than by Owning “'Tis so—Because
“Th'Almighty ha's prescrib'd such Laws.

For, howsoe're They fain wou'd gloss,
They find Themselves still at a Loss,
And all their Learning but meer Dross:

107

Whene're They dare (To win Applause)
Assign for't any other Cause.

For much God Will's and Work's, no doubt,
By Ways beyond all finding out.

But, 'T's needless to attempt to show It,
For, Tho' Fools babble, Wise Men know It.

Since then most of God's Creature's can
Confound The Knowledge of vain Man,
How vastly arrogant are Those
That wou'd so saucily impose,
To reduce Acts spiritual
To Causes meerly natural?
Thus make a Myst'ry none, To mend it,
That Humane Sense may comprehend it.

108

Blaspheming Truths, if mystical,
By Quirks and Turns sophistical;
Or, what is worse, atheistical.

Altho' Th'Effect's more surely wrought,
By Ways above all Humane Thought,
When There's no Reason can be given,
More than That 'tis The Will of Heaven,
Than where Man ha's all Evidences
That can b'afforded by his Senses.

As He's incapable to know
What God can Work—and much more How.

Mortals may rack their foggy Brains,
But can't augment, with all their Pains;
Nor can all Universities
One Atom stretch their Faculties
Above their nat'ral Comprehension;
Because confin'd by God's Intention.

109

As Powers limited are given
To ev'ry Creature under Heaven.
Ay, And, Besure, 'tis so, likewise,
With ev'ry Creature 'bove The Skies,
According to Their Essences,
That God's Word rule's, as 't doe's The Seas:
Whose Limits all The Art of Man
Can't make 'em to surpass one Span.

Shall then poor Earth-Worm Mortals dare yet,
Deny The Effects of God's own Spirit?
And arrogantly forge a Cause
For all Effects, from Nature's Laws?
And fondly for't Themselves applause?
And then enlarge upon Th'Effects,
To brag of their fine Intellects?

Alas, These are but meer Pretences,
To gull The Publick of their Senses:

110

Just for a Blind, to serve a Turn,
That They, perhaps, more Br---bs may earn;
Oft terming Sacred Truths Distraction;
To serve some bold hot-headed Faction:
Was not Th'Apostle Paul, That acted
Such Wonders, said to be distracted?
Was not The Prince of Life, The Word,
The Son of God, Himself, our Lord,
Who by his Miracles confounded
All Philosoph's that then abounded,
E'en while by Their ownselves surrounded,
Term'd a Wine-Bibber, charg'd with Evil,
Said to be Mad—and have a Devil?
If Things are so then, as we say,
Truths bright and plain as the Noon-Day,
That Saints nor Atheists dare say nay:

111

Why, pray, shou'd Fid be thought to chatter,
Or inconsistently to smatter?
Since Spirit's so much above Matter.

And, If created Spirits are,
Say what God's Spirit is Who dare.

Wherefore Then shou'd The Student's Case
(Forlorn as 'tis) not find a Place,
'Mongst Men of Wisdom and of Grace?
And even yet—(For all 't's Suspence)
Why mayn't it have it's Consequence?

A Vision shou'd n't be conceal'd,
Where The Lord's Arm ha's been reveal'd.

However—Now, To let it go,
We'll e'en refer it to Time to show
If't ha's a Meaning to't or no.

112

And passing over many Things
Relating to Church, States, and Kings,
Hieroglyphickly transacted
In zealous Furys, term'd distracted,
While in The HAGUE The Fidler staid;
And how his Reck'ning there was paid:

(Including Glasses ten He broke,
As if with a prophetick Stroke)

And what by Impulse He perform'd,
At which The Landlord and 's Maid storm'd,
We now shall enter on the Story,
For Le---d---n Academy's Glory:
And the due Honour of that Rector
Of Students Then so great a Hector,
Instead of Privilege-Protector:
And tell How, there arriv'd, deceiv'd
And grand The Student was receiv'd.

This we'll attempt next To discuss,
Then Take 't as 't is—it follows thus.

113

Le Cose malitiosamentè fatte dì Nascosto,
Se palesarrano.

Those that frequent Academies,
Ought well to learn Civilities,
That where high Favours are heap'd on 'em,
Their Donors may have Justice done 'em;
The Fidler-Student then, To try
A Quid pro Quo accordingly,
Own's Himself ready to acknowledge
The weighty Favours of The College:
And willingly to compensate
Good Offices, at any Rate,
Proportionally adequate.
But here's The Pussle now—To find
How Rog---sh---cruel can be kind:
Or can be thought so by Mankind.

114

Eúclid can never make it out,
But there will still remain a doubt;
And, till we know the Obligation,
How can w'adapt Retalliation?
But still, my Friends, pray let Us guess;
(And Gratitude be ne're the less.)
Designing, if we can hit on 'em,
All fav'ring Friends shall have Right done 'em.

What Thanks are due then to that Rector,
So much a Student's Health's Director,
As well as Privilege-Protector?

That send's a Doctor tacitly
To visit, and without a Fee,
A Student That's as well as He is?
(Such sure are rare Civilities.)

107

Or rather, what Returns are due
To Th'Rector, and The Doctor too?
Oh! Heer ALB---9---! is it YOU?

That come's, forsooth, Incognito,
And slyly hide's Himself below,
To kill—call'd cure One e're He go?

Who wou'd n't go To Study, Where
Students are treated with such Care?
And where so kind Professors are.

To come to Patients e're They're sent to,
And with so generous a Bent, too!

A Doctor, by The Rector's Orders,
Is sent to cure all the Disorders
Not of The Body only,—Gratis:
But of The Mind too.—Oh! plus Satis.
Sat, Satis, affatim, abundè!
Res inaudita aliundè!

116

And now t'have at the Fact—dull JEMMY:
(Not to wrong Thee—nor th'Academy.)
That Fact, That Prank, so vilely base,
Thou brazen'dst out with thy bold Face,
To th'deathless Scandal of the Place.
To lay a Student Neck and Heels,
To sooth a Lust a WANTON feel's
To show his cross-grain'd Politicks,
By putting Kn---ves and Fools on Tricks:
Keenly, at Once, To sacrifice
The Honour of Academies;
And Safety too:—to his device.
And That all grounded, as you know,
On Pride, and rank Injustice too!

But, still How much, and to how many
Like Members of that Academy,

117

Their Student is indebted for
Civility's He must abhor;
Their monstrous deal of Over-Care,
He w'll tell—when He know's Who They are:

And name 'em all, respectively,
(For th'Good of all Posterity;)
To their eternal Infamy.

Tho' 't may be, now, He know's so much
That They, by Chance, may have a Touch.

Dum interim, in General,
He give's his due Thanks to 'em all.
But how great Thanks Those ought to be,
You'll, in The Sequel, quickly see.

Then, For an Arch-R---g---e and Oppressor
Give me The lame and white Professor,
Since, For a smart seer'd Boutefeu,
D'ent're Tous il Me plait le Plus.

118

(As Fid love's Ingenuity,
Tho' in his greatest Enemy,
Even in Tricks of Roguery.)
But, for all this Ingenuousness,
He love's not Rogues for Roguishness,
But love's les Tours de leur Finesse.

And This was He—The Rector sent,
To tend his Student (for a Feint)
With a bamboosling Compliment.

For This came not, as, vulgarly
Do other Doctors:—(for a Fee;)
But Here's The Rogu'ry o'n't,—He w'd still
Came Gratis—'gainst his Patient's Will.

To make Folks think his Case was such
'T requir'd a Doctor very much.

Which so much favour'd their Report
Of's being Mad—It seem'd Proof for't.

119

Then Guarding Him still, Night and Day,
Made Folks believe what e're They w'd say;
And none suspect 'em of foul Play.

While, all this while, their Student was
As well in's Mind as ever, (Poz:)
Nor, as to's Body, cou'd He find
That was less healthful than his Mind;
(That all their Farce was but a Blind.
For This same very Man, when sent to,
Refus'd to come—to Th'Man He went to
Without his sending for Him;—Sure
The Doctor meant some private Cure,
Some quick Dispatch, or something Nought,
That gave The Patient such a Thought
It made Him take The Care He ought.

May then such Chaps have Thanks deserv'd:
Whose farther Favours be observ'd.

120

Fid then, return'd from's Expedition,
Soon was attended by Physician:
With proferr'd Services, and such
The Fidler did n't like too much.

For soon He found, from his fond Yearning,
He wanted to employ his Learning,
And, strait, to fall to Guinea-Earning.

So wav'd The Doctor's Courtesys,
Yet prais'd his Generositys:
To come—unsent for—without Fees.
Heer Doctor finding his Pretence
(For all his Cloaking) gave Offence,
Retire's, as modest Man of Sense.
Taking his Leave with Complaisance,
But faltring—as half in a Trance:
Thus, with a Counter-Compliment,
Away The balk'd Professor went.

121

Yet fill'd The Student with Suspicion
Some sent Him that wou'd pay th'Physician.
For, Through his Window, hush as Mouse,
Fid saw He daily came to th'House:
But slyly slipt in Holes, below,
That his poor Student might n't know;
Nor e'en suspect his great Pains-Taking
To prepare Him e'en Kookje-Bakking.

However, in a day or two
Up come's a Mongrel Boutefeu,
With a foul Dose in a fine Glass,
And Clack of Cant—To skreen what 'twas.

But Fid suspecting Treachery,
(Tho' He h'd not found it actually)
Wav'd his All-feign'd Civility.

Nor wou'd He, tho' press't o'er and o'er,
Once Taste it—upon any Score.

122

This Balking, in an unexpected
Manner, The Schemes They had erected,
The brisk Complotters much dejected.

But Fid's kind Doctor had the Hope, yet,
To coax Him—To take down his Opiate:
Cou'd it be done by some Deceit,
So finely palm'd Fid might not see't:
And given as a Compliment
Of Beer, a Present—to Him sent.

And, so 'twas down, without his Knowing,
'Twas to be told—(with Scrapes and Bowing)
“The Done was to the Doctor owing.
Who sent it by another Hand,
A R---g---e and Fool at his Command:
That brought it with a fawning Air,
“The greatest Rarity! He w'd Swear:

123

Nicknam'd, forsooth, “The finest Beer
“In all that Town, or any where;
“A Present sent Him (To coax faster)
“From his good Friend d'Heer Bourge-Meester.
“Which He, in meer kind Compliment,
“To's Friend The Fidler wou'd present:
“So brought Him o' 't, in friendly Haste,
“Of the first Bottle just a Taste.

“Not doubting that He wou'd approve
“Of what The Grandees All so love.

Thus ush'ring it, in a figur'd Glass,
With glib Harangue from Whom it was,
Back'd with arch Fibs and stiff Grimace;
The Puppy prest, with Affectation,
What Fid refus'd—for Preservation.

As He'd conceiv'd a just Suspicion,
From th'Slipping in of that Physician.

124

But—Had He chanc'd t'have seiz'd The Glass,
And so discover'd what it was,
While Listning to that Vill---n's Prate,
He h'd forc'd it through his saucy Pate:
For Telling Him such Lies to's Face,
With an Intent so vilely base.

That perjur'd Sc---d---rel, Mongrel Master,
That so work'd up Fid's (forg'd) Disaster;
And brought this Opiate—To kill faster.
Who by his Lies (call'd Deposition)
(And back'd therein by br---b'd Physician,)
With th'Help of Sets of many more,
(That lend a Hand, on any Score
Wherein their Party-Cause's concern'd;)
And Pens---n'rs, long since suborn'd,

Impos'd on honest Gentlemen;
That little thought They'd swear for Gain:

125

And prostitute their Consciences,
By Taking Br---b---s to swear Offences:
To blind the Just—by sham Pretences.

And that vile fulsome Slut his Wife,
(A Jade that match'd The R---g---e to th'Life)
Feeling the Pleasure of the Pence
Attainable by Impudence,
And a Case-hardn'd Conscience,
Resolving to earn B---tish Gold;
At Once in Perj---ry grew bold.
And outdid, in her Protestations,
All her Friend Lucifer's Relations.
Surpass'd the Beadles vile Directions:
So swell'd She with their G---ld-Infections.
For, full of venal Impudence,
She blasphem'd Truth, and choak't all Sense.
(Which She'll think on, when She goe's hence:)

126

Such Evidence as this, Then, (sure,)
Can swear a Madman want's a Cure;
And prove stark Madness where there's none.
For 'tis but swearing 't, and its done.

Thus R---gue Professors shew'd their Sense,
By Sets of ready Evidence,
On Oath at Will, to bring in Pence.
For such like Witnesses abound,
To serve Prof---s'rs so profound;
That work, like Moles, safe under Ground.

Whereby They'll make, As They h've design'd,
You're in, or else out of your Mind:
To have you, when They will, confin'd.

By which, and Privilege, They may
Plague Students—(and without Gainsay)
Till They've made any Man away.

127

Provided it be closely done:
(And, sure, such R---g---es know Tricks, or None.)

Nor can The Laws there interfere,
(However They may be severe,)
Will but the Rector once declare
His Student's under his own Care.

So b---be but well this frank't R---g---s Clan,
And you may take off any Man;
By Party-Ch---ts and close Chic---ne.
Ha's He been so impolitick
As to become Academick.
Whence, Inquisition-like, They skreen
All Evidence from being seen.

Whence, for all Mischief They'll have done,
They've Vouchers stanch, To bring it on:

128

Which once effected, They're conceal'd,
That to th'Accus'd They're ne're reveal'd.

Tho' legal Treatment and due Care
They'll fondly boast of ev'ry where:
While, any Day, for dirty Work
(That wou'd be scrupled by a Turk)
They're Sets of Evidence for Blinds;
(Dabs at Bamboosling honest Minds:)
To carry on their vile Designs.

This you may think, perhaps, a Fiction,
But We can give you, for Conviction;
The Student's Ruin and Affliction.

Ay, And we'll give you something more,
Th'Italians tell us on this Score:
“Che'l Ipocrita è Fratello
“Del lagrimoso Crocodillo;
“E dòve e lècito Amassàre
“V'e, Anchè, de Saccheggiàre.

129

This give's you whence These Chaps design'd
To plunder Goods To Cure a Mind.
For callous R---gues, thus prostituted,
(While They're for honest Men reputed,
Play Tricks in s'advantageôus Light,
That all The wrong They do's thought Right.
Whence Learning, e're so great, at best is
Thus misappli'd, but Magna Pestis;
Whereby They lead Folks by the Nose;
Passing for Friends to whom They're Foes:
(And sure These Chaps are some of Those.)

Thus They lay Th---ves behind The Hedge,
Yet Advocates for Privilege:
Whence They and all their impious Elves
Can still play Tricks, and skreen Themselves:
While Gold will make their Minds to bow,
As Fire doe's green Wood, any how.

130

That, fee 'em but, you may proceed
Just as you will—They'll give no Heed:
So, for Connivance you'll but bleed.

(And this is what The Fidler saw,
Long before e're He felt their Paw
Trampling on Students Right and Law.)

And all done by their Privileges,
That to their Roguerys are Hedges.
That skreen 'em from Examination,
On many a most just Occasion,
To th'Hazard and Shame of the Nation.
For, 'xempted from The civil Power,
They dare insult it ev'ry Hour:
Not openly, we own, but yet
They h've Ways are sure To do the Feat.
Tho' snug and close that Few may see't.
And so 't be done effectually
What Matter how clandestinely?

131

Nay, by their playing Tricks in Private,
They further much all Aims They drive at.

As Thus—(From a Mis-Calculation,)
There Strangers come for Education:
Supposing it a friendly Nation;
Till, by a Set of Partisans
They're deem'd Foes—both to Them and Clans;

But, fix't in Academick Roll,
(To Th'Fidler a most fatal Scroll:)
Find Themselves hamper'd to The Soul.
For Academick-Privilege
Ha's rotten Stakes through all The Hedge,
When Students want it for a Pledge.

For, while with Franchises They're flamm'd,
They're but Hood-wink't, and grosly bamm'd.

132

To have Excise-free Beer and Wine
Oh!—There's a Privilege!—That's fine.

But, while with Trifles They're trepann'd,
They loose th'Protection of the Land.

The Party then pick's up some Spark,
Too bright for Workers in the Dark:
That, for the Good of Common-Weal,
Divulge's Truths They wou'd conceal.
Secure's Him too before They bark,
Then fix Him; up a Party-Mark:
And truss Him up in any dark
Hen-Roost They please to pick out for Him:
That done—They value no Laws nor Him.

They h've Privilege enough to stand
Bluff,—and insult all Laws o'th' Land;
Because He's in the Rector's Hand.

Then, with due Secresy, with Ease
They can Dispatch Him as They please.

133

For Magistrates can't interfere
(Th'Acàdemy's ensconc'd so, Here)
With Students under Rector's Care:
Tho', same Time, Beadles Rectors are.

Here's The main Stake of all their Hedge:
They'll play the R---gue by Privilege.
Then, To detain Him,—Cry “He's mad:
“And that his Case is very bad;
“For which They're taking all due Care,
And, if They're question'd home, They'll swear:
Or (what's equivalent esteem'd,
From Men so consciencious deem'd)
They'll clap their Hands upon their Breast,
And roll their Eyes with, “I protest
“'Tis so:—Thus gravely palm their Jest.

134

Now, We say, “Who will swear will lie.
And then, The Fidler cant tell why
He that will poyson for a Bribe
Mayn't gulp an Oath, To save a Jibe.

To cast a Mist before their Eyes,
When Great Ones wou'd be made too wise
In Tricks They secretly devise.

When by an unsuspected Lie
He readily may fortify
Th'Opinion of's Integrity.

Their Student, then, if once decreed
To be Slam-clàm tipp't off with Speed;
(As being a Malignant found,
That blow's The Skits They're playing round:
(Purposely to corrupt The Sound.)
Must be confin'd:—on smooth Pretences,
That They may bring Him to his Senses.

135

By METHODS, and so well conceal'd,
They never are to be reveal'd:
Without eternal Loss of Credit
Among all Partisans that hear it.

As well as Loss of Br---bes and P---sions:
As no more fit for their Intentions.
Never hereafter To be trusted
By that grand Party They h've digusted.

(Because They'll soon blow up the Wicked
That can't do Mischief—and keep't Secret.)

There, Then He's kept till doctor'd Dead;
Fatigu'd to Death—Or p---soned.

Now What, in all This, can you find
But They can do,—when They've a Mind,
By any Student They may have?
(Howe're his Friends or He may rave.)
Then i'n't A STUDENT (pray) A SLAVE?

136

Burghers enjoy the Laws o'th' Land;
Students are in The Rector's Hand.

And, when Br---b---s blind Him and's Assessors,
There's a Monop'ly of Oppressors.
And then NO STUDENT's SAFE: You'll say Sirs.

The End of the Second Canto.