British Wonders Or, A Poetical Description of the Several Prodigies and Most Remarkable Accidents That have happen'd in Britain since the Death of Queen Anne [by Edward Ward] |
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 | British Wonders |  |
The next Unhappiness that fell on
This Nation, was the North Rebellion,
In which half English and half Scot,
Combin'd to do they knew not what.
However, they in Friendship join'd,
And seem'd, at first, alike inclin'd,
Till Danger star'd them in the Face,
And then they squinted diff'rent ways,
Making themselves a noisy Rabble,
As much confus'd as those at Babel;
Contending for the Martial Sway,
Not knowing whom they should obey:
Some drown'd in Wine, some drunk with Malt,
Some crying, March, and others, Halt;
One Part, thro' Pride or Folly, breaking
The Measures others were for taking.
Like Hounds ill-coupl'd ne'er agreed,
But hinder'd one another's speed;
Excepting those that had a sence,
Or foresight of the Consequence,
Who when they found their rash Design
Wanted both Arms and Discipline,
They then repenting, made a Slip,
And fled the Town like frighted Sheep,
Leaving their Chief, who should have Led,
To drink his Butter'd-Ale in Bed.
Thus Bullies bluster, till their Eye
Beholds the shocking Danger nigh,
And then with Scandal and Disgrace,
They fly from what they durst not face.
For Cowards always are too crafty
To doat on Honour more than Safety.
This Nation, was the North Rebellion,
In which half English and half Scot,
Combin'd to do they knew not what.
However, they in Friendship join'd,
And seem'd, at first, alike inclin'd,
Till Danger star'd them in the Face,
And then they squinted diff'rent ways,
Making themselves a noisy Rabble,
As much confus'd as those at Babel;
Contending for the Martial Sway,
Not knowing whom they should obey:
Some drown'd in Wine, some drunk with Malt,
Some crying, March, and others, Halt;
One Part, thro' Pride or Folly, breaking
The Measures others were for taking.
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But hinder'd one another's speed;
Excepting those that had a sence,
Or foresight of the Consequence,
Who when they found their rash Design
Wanted both Arms and Discipline,
They then repenting, made a Slip,
And fled the Town like frighted Sheep,
Leaving their Chief, who should have Led,
To drink his Butter'd-Ale in Bed.
Thus Bullies bluster, till their Eye
Beholds the shocking Danger nigh,
And then with Scandal and Disgrace,
They fly from what they durst not face.
For Cowards always are too crafty
To doat on Honour more than Safety.
Just so the Preston Herd, unskill'd
To keep the Town or win the Field,
Before the Royal Troops appear'd,
Talk'd big, as if they nothing fear'd,
And with good Wine and Nappy warm'd,
Threaten'd much more than they perform'd;
For few had Courage to withstand
The Danger, when 'twas near at hand,
But rather than to boldly run
The risque of what themselves begun,
To please and flatter Cow'rdly Nature,
Postpon'd one Hazard for a greater.
To keep the Town or win the Field,
Before the Royal Troops appear'd,
Talk'd big, as if they nothing fear'd,
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Threaten'd much more than they perform'd;
For few had Courage to withstand
The Danger, when 'twas near at hand,
But rather than to boldly run
The risque of what themselves begun,
To please and flatter Cow'rdly Nature,
Postpon'd one Hazard for a greater.
Two gallant Chiefs they had, 'tis plain,
That is, two Heads, but ne'er a Brain;
For had their Conduct and Discretion
But prov'd as great as their Submission,
They might, perchance, have grown much stronger
And sav'd their Necks a little longer:
Yet had they fought like Men of Mettle,
And bravely stood a hardy Battle,
They'd not perform'd so great a Wonder,
As in their tamely knocking under.
That is, two Heads, but ne'er a Brain;
For had their Conduct and Discretion
But prov'd as great as their Submission,
They might, perchance, have grown much stronger
And sav'd their Necks a little longer:
Yet had they fought like Men of Mettle,
And bravely stood a hardy Battle,
They'd not perform'd so great a Wonder,
As in their tamely knocking under.
No doubt the Heroes first design'd
To fight, when they at Preston join'd,
Tho' half the Weapons of their Forces,
Were only Whips to flog their Horses;
But when they saw their bad Condition,
Few Arms and little Ammunition,
Led on promiscuously together,
By him that knew the use of neither,
The Champions rather chose to yield
Toth' Gallows, than to die i'th' Field;
Because one Danger of the two
Was farthest from their present View;
Forgetting, he that boldly draws
His Sword against the Nations Laws,
Must, if he means to win the Day,
Press on, and fling the Sheath away:
For he who 'gainst the Crown is fighting,
And hopes for Pardon by submitting,
Is like the Fool who first provokes
The Lyon with disdainful Strokes,
Then tamely bowing to his Jaws,
Craves Mercy of his Teeth and Claws.
Thus, those that dare to undertake
Rebellion, if they once look back,
Themselves they ruine, lose their End,
And mar the Cause they would defend.
To fight, when they at Preston join'd,
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Were only Whips to flog their Horses;
But when they saw their bad Condition,
Few Arms and little Ammunition,
Led on promiscuously together,
By him that knew the use of neither,
The Champions rather chose to yield
Toth' Gallows, than to die i'th' Field;
Because one Danger of the two
Was farthest from their present View;
Forgetting, he that boldly draws
His Sword against the Nations Laws,
Must, if he means to win the Day,
Press on, and fling the Sheath away:
For he who 'gainst the Crown is fighting,
And hopes for Pardon by submitting,
Is like the Fool who first provokes
The Lyon with disdainful Strokes,
Then tamely bowing to his Jaws,
Craves Mercy of his Teeth and Claws.
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Rebellion, if they once look back,
Themselves they ruine, lose their End,
And mar the Cause they would defend.
No sooner had the Captive Crowd,
Their stubborn Necks to Cæsar bow'd,
As if at first they meant no more,
Than to aggrandize Sov'reign Pow'r,
Or that they thought the Nation blest,
And, Statesman like, rebell'd in Jest;
Not to disturb, but serve the Ends
Of Government, like trusty Friends,
By wheedling in the Disaffected,
To be Drawn, Hang'd, and then Dissected.
Their stubborn Necks to Cæsar bow'd,
As if at first they meant no more,
Than to aggrandize Sov'reign Pow'r,
Or that they thought the Nation blest,
And, Statesman like, rebell'd in Jest;
Not to disturb, but serve the Ends
Of Government, like trusty Friends,
By wheedling in the Disaffected,
To be Drawn, Hang'd, and then Dissected.
I say, no sooner had they shown
Their great Submission to the Throne,
And render'd to the Royal Forces,
Their Arms, their Money, and their Horses,
But they were ty'd on Scrubs and Tits,
Whose Hempen Bridles had no Bits,
Nor worthless Saddles Stirrups on,
To rest their pendant Feet upon:
But rode, like Sancho on his Ass,
Or Hostlers, kicking Jades to Grass,
Who with their Riders often falter,
Because they're guided by the Halter.
Thus Insurrections in a Realm,
Prove Thorns to those that rule the Helm,
Till crush'd, and then the Victor makes
His Market of the Fools he takes.
Their great Submission to the Throne,
And render'd to the Royal Forces,
Their Arms, their Money, and their Horses,
But they were ty'd on Scrubs and Tits,
Whose Hempen Bridles had no Bits,
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To rest their pendant Feet upon:
But rode, like Sancho on his Ass,
Or Hostlers, kicking Jades to Grass,
Who with their Riders often falter,
Because they're guided by the Halter.
Thus Insurrections in a Realm,
Prove Thorns to those that rule the Helm,
Till crush'd, and then the Victor makes
His Market of the Fools he takes.
In Triumph thus the Cavalcade
Of Rebels were to London led,
Guarded on e'ery Side by those
Who when they conquer'd spar'd their Blows,
To make their gallant Foes amends,
For acting so like Bosom Friends,
And fixing in our Jarring Isle,
The Cause they vainly hop'd to spoil.
As foolish Parents often make
Those Matches they attempt to break,
And by their want of timely Care,
Ruine the Child they would prefer.
Of Rebels were to London led,
Guarded on e'ery Side by those
Who when they conquer'd spar'd their Blows,
To make their gallant Foes amends,
For acting so like Bosom Friends,
And fixing in our Jarring Isle,
The Cause they vainly hop'd to spoil.
As foolish Parents often make
Those Matches they attempt to break,
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Ruine the Child they would prefer.
Now all the Jayls about the Town,
Were cram'd with Rebels of Renown,
The Tow'r with Lords, who mourn'd their Fate,
And rash Proceedings, when too late;
Whilst Criminals of Low'r Degree,
Fill'd Newgate, Fleet, and Marshalsea,
Where now they felt, as well as saw,
The Fangs and Tushes of the Law,
To which they tamely had submitted,
Blam'd by their Friends, by Foes unpity'd.
Were cram'd with Rebels of Renown,
The Tow'r with Lords, who mourn'd their Fate,
And rash Proceedings, when too late;
Whilst Criminals of Low'r Degree,
Fill'd Newgate, Fleet, and Marshalsea,
Where now they felt, as well as saw,
The Fangs and Tushes of the Law,
To which they tamely had submitted,
Blam'd by their Friends, by Foes unpity'd.
In this sad plight, unhappy Creatures,
Loaded with heavy Chains and Fetters,
They were confin'd to eat and sleep,
Like Negroes in a Guinea Ship;
Till some, to terrify the Nation,
Were try'd and doom'd to Decollation;
And others sentenc'd to resign
Their wretched Lives in Hempen Twine.
Thus Rebels, when they lose the Day,
Support the Pow'r they disobey;
But if Success attends their Pride,
They make the Gallows change its Side.
For 'tis the Vict'ry, not the Cause,
That steers the Justice of the Laws,
And in each rash domestick Quarrel,
Disposes both of Hemp and Laurel.
Loaded with heavy Chains and Fetters,
They were confin'd to eat and sleep,
Like Negroes in a Guinea Ship;
Till some, to terrify the Nation,
Were try'd and doom'd to Decollation;
And others sentenc'd to resign
Their wretched Lives in Hempen Twine.
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Support the Pow'r they disobey;
But if Success attends their Pride,
They make the Gallows change its Side.
For 'tis the Vict'ry, not the Cause,
That steers the Justice of the Laws,
And in each rash domestick Quarrel,
Disposes both of Hemp and Laurel.
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