University of Virginia Library

Athletic Complex
Announced

hot-dogs and 3.2 beer sold by
Lawn janitors while watching
their favorite teams fight it out."

Level two will contain a roller
derby rink complete with monstrous,
full-bosomed ladies providing
the opposition. "This is especially
my favorite," said Mr. Sebo as he
wrote that he himself will sell
tickets for this feature at the
"cut-rate" price of $2.50 for adults
and $1.50 for children.

The most spectacular part of the
complex will be levels three and
four, containing a par 3, two-hole
pitch-and-put golf course. The
statue of Homer will be replaced by
a water hazard and several trees will
become sand traps. "Doesn't this
sound peachy-keen," asked Mr.
Sebo upon announcing the $5.00
green fee.

The whole project is part of Mr.
Sebo's plan to bolster the sagging
athletic treasury. As Mr. Sebo said,
"At those prices, how can we
miss?"