University of Virginia Library

Register Masochists

The University forgot to
take into account the
masochistic tendencies of the
pedestrian, mainly his alarming
preference to risk being
dismembered in the bicycle
lanes as opposed to the relative
safety of an ordinary
pedestrian lane.

My solution? If people insist
on being bicycles, they must
conform to the regulations.
They must drive in the street,
in the direction of traffic. They
must be registered by Feb. 18
(this will provide for recovery
of stolen people and will aid
other police departments).
They will be prohibited from
the Lawn. If they operate after
sunset they must have a white
front light and a red rear
reflector. Failure to comply
with these regulations will
result in fines of not more than
five bucks. OR, they can stay
on the SIDEWALK (y'know,
it's were ya walk). Thank you.