University of Virginia Library

Bringing A Smile To The Most Monstrous Of Faces

By FEN MONTAIGNE

Ever had one of those days
when you didn't get your
orange juice because you
overslept, and you ran to class
feeling all sweaty and sick, and
you sat down, and the lecture
was boring, and bad, and
besides that your BIC decided
to defy the laws of nature and
stop writing and the blue book
you got back said C instead of
A, so you slink back to the
apartment and discover that
your roommate left his water
on the bathroom floor and his
dishes on the kitchen table?.

If you can answer "Yes" to
nearly all the above questions,
then you know what you
should have done? You should
have gone to see Dotty Bunch.

You're asking, "Who's
Dotty Bunch?" Well, according
to one of Charlottesville's most
prominent politicians, Dotty
Bunch happens to be "the
finest woman in
Charlottesville." An
exaggeration? Hell no. Ask any
of Dotty Bunch's customers
and they'll tell you it's an
understatement. They'll tell
you that Dotty Bunch brings
more happiness into more lives
than any other person in the

city. They'll tell you that
Dotty Bunch is unquestionably
the most loving and kind
woman that ever served up a
BLT on rye toast.

Dotty works at the College
Inn. The food's good there, but
I must confess that I don't go
there for the food. I go there
for Dotty Bunch. You see ,I'm
in love with Dotty Bunch, even
though she is 43, and has been
married for twenty-six years,
and does have grandchildren.
Now don't get me wrong,
because it's strictly a
gastroplatonic kind of thing,
but it's still love, and she's still
the most wonderful woman in
my life.

All you have to do to fall in
love is walk into the College
Inn, sit in one of Dotty's
booths at the front of the
restaurant, and watch her go to
work on the customers.

"Where were you yesterday,
Coleman?Don't like my food
anymore? You still got that
cough? You better wear it
down before it wears you
down first."

She cares, and not in just a
small talk sort of way. If you
walk in with a headache, she'll
know it.

"You got another one of
those headaches today, Fen?"

"No...No...That's O.K. It'll
go away, Dotty."

"Let me get you some
aspirin."

"No...That's alright. I'll be
O.K."

"Now c'mon. Let me get
you some aspirin."

"Well, O.K. Thanks."

She's a genius. She's
telepathic. She's my second
Mom.

Just when you say to
yourself, "This sandwich is a
little dry," she'll bring you the
mayonnaise. Just when you
feel like reading the
Washington Post she'll ask,
"Do you wanna see the
papers?"And just when the
bread, the iced tea, and the
napkins are running out, she'll
bring them to your table in
sumptuous quantities. I've seen
her put smiles on the most
monstrous faces in
Charlottesville.

I had to ask one day.
"Dotty, don't you ever
frown?"

"Well sure I do. I get furious
sometimes, but usually I just
sort of go along with things,
you know. I don't have much
to get mad about 'cause I like
working with the students. It's
much better than working on
the highway."

Working on the highway!
My God, I'd rather see the
Rotunda burn than see Dotty
Bunch move to the highway.
The truckers don't need her.
We do.

"Dotty, you'd never leave
here, would you?"

"No, it's nice here, you
know People are friendly. One
time we went to Buffalo, New
York, and you know, people
there–you meet them one day
and the next day they don't
know you."

"I've been here sixteen
years on and off. People leave
and come back after six years
and ask, 'Are you still here?
and I say, 'Yea, I go with the
fixtures.'"

The finest woman in
Charlottesville. Mondays,
Wednesdays, and Fridays can
only make me so sad, because I
know that at one p.m. I'm
going to saunter down to the
College Inn, walk in the door,
and let that auburn-haired,
brown-eyed woman in the
white uniform replenish my
mind, body and soul. I'll
leisurely wolf down my
Number Five, and whenever
she makes it back to my table
we'll talk about her six cats, or
how bad it is with the recent
rapes and all, or how good it is
that somebody gave some
Christmas money to that
family that didn't have any.

And at 1:45 it all comes
sadly to an end. She'll walk
over, smiling, and ask if I feel
like any dessert. I'll say, "No, I
don't think so," to which she
might reply, "We got some real
good rice pudding today." I'll
probably sit firm and reject the
rice pudding. She'll probably
say that maybe I'll feel like
some tomorrow, and then
write out my check.

"Thank-you much. We'll see
you tomorrow."

"Yea, thanks a lot Dotty.
See you later."

The finest. Undoubtedly,
the finest.