University of Virginia Library

Jay, Bloody Harry

All of this, and more, learned
after I found the cracked open
door, pressed the button marked 4
in the elevator, gazed at the nicely
framed showcase sampled of past
advertising triumphs lining the
hallways, and strolled past the
empty desks into the office where
Ed and Ron, let's call him, sat with
two bottles of booze on the desk.

Ed and Ron greeted me warmly
and shoved a strange looking drink
in my hand.

"What's this," I asked on the
verge of a sip.

"Bloody Harry," said Ed.

"A what?" I cried before
gulping it down.

"Gin and apple juice," he
answered before plopping down in
his seat. On the wall behind him
was a flowing American flag with
the slogan "make waves." Used for
the I Love America day in
Richmond, it was a recent triumph.

We all rapped for a while about
the man for whom the drink was
named and his chances in the
upcoming election. It was agreed
Ed's candidate had a real good
chance and had the advantage of
being way ahead in the money
department. Ed said he wished
more money had been spent. I
asked him to tell me what the
money would show in the
advertising campaign.

"Well, we'll be running an ad in
the papers, full page, that shows a
little white kid getting on a school
bus, really pathetic you know, with
some copy about how it will take
him three hours to get there. Down
at the bottom will be the slogan
and then a head shot of him in the
middle. Couldn't talk him out of
the picture. Dan egocentric."

"What's the slogan?" Ron asked.

"Well, it was going to be. Vote
For The Man Who Votes For You.
But he didn't go for that. Wanted
the old name slogan, you know,
Vote for Schlockmorton. You
Know Where He Stands."

"That's evasive enough," I
suggested.

"Well, said the right people
will get the message."

"How bout " Ron asked.

"No debates. He'd get killed.
There'll be one five minute spot I
think and then a few one minute
spots, showing the man in action
and the man at home. Most of it
will be with an announcer's voice
over."

"Why is that," I asked.

"He's got the same problem as
that other guy." Ed explained.

"You mean?" said Ron.

"Yeah," said Ed. "Terrible
voice."