University of Virginia Library

Gibson Declines UCLA's Offer,
Spells Cavalier Success Story

By I. Care
C. D. Brown Bagger

In a release today, The Cavalier
Daily learned that ace basketball
coach, Bill "Hoot, Hooter, Tooter,
etc," Gibson has turned down an
offer by the University of
California at Los Angeles (UCLA
to those in the know) to remain
at the University as its head basketball
coach.

Athletic Director Steve Zebo reported
that the Bruins offered their
head coach, John Wooden, for
Mr. Gibson in a one-for-one swap.
This offer was promptly and abruptly
turned down. Zebo termed
it, "Out of the question. It's
like trying to get Willie Mays for
Roman Mejias."

When this offer failed to bring
the desired results, the Californians
made another attempt which Zebo
irately called, "obscene and obnoxious:
an insult to this University
and her athletes - or whatever."

Reportedly, the Uclans said they
would send Big Lew Alcindor
with Coach Wooden, if Gibson
would bring Norm Stormin' Carmichael
with him to the sunny
shores of the Pacific.

Compared to the obviously
angered Zebo, the Hooter remained
surprisingly calm under the
pressure of the situation. "It's an
insult to me and my profession,
an insult." He them mumbled
something under his breath like,
"Going to UCLA would bring an
outstanding coach like me about
as much prestige as going back
to the mines of Pennsylvania.
You know I deserve far more
than that."

Gibson then compared his
potential departure to that of ex wrestling
Coach Mike Caruso.
"Mike went from the top of the
wrestling world to the bottom when
he left Virginia for Lehigh. You
might say this same parallel could
be drawn if I left Virginia for
UCLA."

When asked if he felt that the
Bruins were the top team in the
country, Gibson became violent,
"Now look wise guy, we know
what UPI and AP said, but that
don't mean a thing. In your heart,
you know it was the Cavaliers
all the way."

Gibson then departed for the
barbershop with visions of
grandeur for next season in his
eyes. Orange tic and all, mumbling
something about Wahoo-wee, he
appeared nostalgic, obviously
thinking-. How dare UCLA.....