University of Virginia Library

Neo-'Poonies' Blast Cosmopolitan

By STEVE GRIMWOOD

Salami, The Secret To A Successful Marriage

Remember those funny
fellows at Harvard who made
you laugh during high school
with those rib-tickling parodies
of Life, Time and Playboy?
Many thought they had been
locked in their tower and the
key tossed away. But not so.
After a four year drought the
original Poonies have returned
in style with a parody of
Cosmopolitan, everybody's
favorite magazine.

Admittedly, satirizing
Cosmopolitan is not an
insurmountable task, the
magazine itself often being its
own best satire. But the
Poonies have done an
admirable job, taking to task
those characteristics which
make Cosmopolitan the Bible
to many young women and
asinine to a great many others.

Articles run from "10 Ways
to Decorate Your Uterine
Wall" to "The Myth of the
Male Orgasm," must reading
for every woman. For those of
you who care to flip through
before you buy, there is a real
eye full of a centerfold, the
"man's man" Henry Kissinger,
complete with bearskin and
cigar.

Also included are some
candid shots, the most notable
being Henry with John
Kenneth Galbraith in drag
arriving at the Presidential
Economic Advisers masquerade
ball.

For the erotic minded,
"Games Sensuous Lovers Play"
will provide daring new
escapades for the boudoir such
as Strip Poker, Patty Cake, and
that all time favorite, Hide the
Salami. In the fashion world,
"The Empress' New Clothes"
sets an all time low with, you
guessed it, nothing at all.

The crowning piece of the
entire effort has to be "The
Poisoner of Sex", a
third-person nonfiction work
by N*rm*n Ma*ler, several
pages of the most vile invective
to' ever hit the printed page.
Chronicling Mailer's visit to
Harvard for a lecture, it leaves
no insult unturned.

The supposed reason for the
assault was the invasion of the
sacred Lampoon Tower by
Mailer and a group of drunken
"buttock-bussers" who
proceeded to party for most of
the night without inhibition.
Undoubtedly the piece was
born the next day as the
Poonies cleared the debris.

Other articles such as "Dial I
for Information" by Mickety
Spleen and the "Curse of
Wolfrung Hall" do not hold
together as well, but are still
worth the time and the cash.

The parody has been
available at the usual places in
town for about a week, but
sales seem to be slow. This may
be due to the similarity in
covers between the Lampoon
and the genuine Cosmopolitan.
Both have a chic model on the
cover, but closer inspection
will identify the parody. Just
look for the ingenue with the
crossed eyes.