 | The Cavalier daily Friday, April 13, 1973 |  |
Busting The Ring And Upping The Jig
By TONY PECCAVI
Today is the 229th
birthday of Mr. Jefferson, and
the University is honoring his
memory with a gala
celebration. The following is a
list of the cultural activities
planned.
First, the President and the
Board of Visitors will meet at
10 a.m. sharp in the secret cave
under the Lawn. They will
discuss the location of the
proposed Shannon Hall
(present reports indicate that a
combination parking tower and
cafeteria to be built in 1974),
and the effects of
transubstantiation upon
Easters Weekend wine parties.
In addition, the Board is
expected to approve a
resolution by Mr. Shannon
calling for the building of a
steel-and-glass chapel on Carrs
Hill, where his daughters'
playhouse now stands. Mr.
Shannon has also drawn up a
petition to the Howard
Johnson's Company asking
that the electrical system of
their neon sign be repaired, so
that the sign no longer reads
"HWARD OHN OR LOGE."
The ceremonies continue
with the noon Convocation.
After a prayer to the Almighty
lasting not longer than 30
seconds, the Board will sit in
steamy splendor as Chet
Berkowitz, the winner of this
year's Rotunda Trophy award,
addresses the students and
alumni of Scott Stadium on
"The Unknown War in
Part Of The Audience At Last Year's Speech
will be followed by Ms.
Cynthis Anne White, runner-up
in the 1973
Guess-How-Long-It-Takes-the-South
Vietnamese-to-Fold Contest,
sponsored by the Society of
the Apricot Scarf.
Mr. Jack Comarodski,
associate dean for torture and
maiming, will then describe his
four months with the
Humphrey campaign, and will
present the H.H. Humphrey
Good Government Award to
Kevin Mannix, Mr. Shannon
will conclude the proceedings
with a short speech on
academic excellence and will
anounce the recipients of
Intermediate Honors citations.
The University Choral Society,
Glee Club and Pep Band will
strike up appropriate anthems
as the spectators leave the
stadium.
The fetards will then
adjourn to a luncheon given in
their honor by Food Services
in the gymnasium. The alumni
will whisper to one another
"We're watching history being
made right here in this room"
and "I guess the ring's busted
and the jig's up."
The Social Engineering
Committee of the School of
Education has announced that a
"get-acquainted-with-your-inferiors"
party will be held at 2:30 p.m.
Busloads of deprived children
are to be brought from Amelia
and Nelson counties for the
inspection and amusement of
E-School patrons.
Alumni Banquet Following Last Year's Founder's Day Ceremonies
Easters Weekend festivities
will begin early at Sigma Delta
Omega; 1234 Rugby Lane. The
honorary Ecology society is
holding a bourbon party to
protest the cruel and arbitrary
killing of hops in several
Midwestern states. The society
will take up a collection for an
appeal to Congress concerning
the alleged violation of hops'
rights. No one wearing fur will
be admitted.
Interested students are
invited to attend the
organizational meeting of the
Hoohaw Literary and Debating
Society at 4:00 p.m. in
Peabody Hall Room 702.
Problems of restoring the bells
in the chapel, beautifying the
Graduate Lounge, and the
procuring of thermite to blow
up the parking-control booths
will be discussed.
Former Assoc. Judge of the
Twelfth Circuit Court of
Appeals Norman Blaine
Peavely, will give the
traditional "summing up"
speech at Cabell Hall tonight at
8. A sparse crowd of about 125
is expected to attend the
soiree, which is sponsored by
League to Save America from
Herself.
The title of the talk is "The
Old Constitution: Challenge to
Change." According to news
leaks received by this office,
Judge Peavely has been
designated by President Nixon
to explain the new American
legal system to the Southern
public. Changes in the law
include the lengthening of
Congressional terms to four
years and Senatorial terms to
26; the abolition of
congressional power to declare
war, levy taxes, and review the
budget; the end of the
Supreme Court; and the
licensing of newspapers and
magazines.
Although the text of Judge
Peavely's address is not known,
earlier this week in Nashville,
the crusty, 76-year-old
Dixiecrat Republican made this
statement to the Central
Tennessee Council of Teachers
of Sadism:
"Maybe that other
Constitution was all right for a
bunch of people who wore
knee britches and powdered
wigs, but the President will
soon be running the country
along more modern lines, like
putting potential lawbreakers
out of commission before they
get started corrupting the very
moral fiber of the Nation
under God."
Another quote from the
same speech:
"That we should allow
those bestial trippers to drive
in their stonedety along the
roads upon which travel school
buses bearing innocent
children, the roads your wives
use to go shopping, the roads
you yourselves, gentlemen, use
to drive to work or get a
six-pack of Tudor, yes, this
offense demands immediate
deportation to the new
camps-for-undesirables in
Nevada."
The lecture is free to the
public and will begin at 8:00
p.m.
Concluding the day, an
alumni banquet will be held in
Alumni Hall beginning at
11:15 p.m. Admission is your
ratty old diploma or a pint of
rye. Singer Frank Sinatra and
Songstress Anita Bryant lead
the list of the "name"
performers in the 77th Annual
Let's-Gently-Satirize-the-University
production of Deeper, Yes,
Deeper.
At 1 a.m., Dr. Elias Howe
of the New U. Hospital will
draw ten c.c. of blood from
each party-goer, and he who has
the highest percentage of
alcohol will win a golden
trophy of the occasion.
| The Cavalier daily Friday, April 13, 1973 | |