University of Virginia Library

Letters To The Editor

Confidential Confessions Of A Malfunctioning Draftee

As a recent graduate of
U.Va. ('71), I would like to
publicly apologize for any
behavior of mine which might
reflect badly on the University.
In June I entered the U.S.
Army (the draft is a wonderful
thing!) and am now proud to
be a member of the very elite
infantry. But alas it seems that
I am not capable of properly
earning the almost nineteen
cents an hour (before taxes)
that I was started on due to my
utterly disgusting performance.
My left foot does not like to
strike the ground at the same
time as everyone else's
(disgraceful!), my boots do not
like to spend hours being
spit-shined, my hair would like
to be as long as the recruiting
posters claim that it is allowed
to be, my voice has even dared
to question the wisdom of,
certain sacred s.o.p. (standard
operating procedures), and—
(as if the former crimes were
not bad enough already)—my
hands and eyes have tried to do
something constructive (e.g.
reading and writing) while
taking "breaks" and waiting in
the interminable lines that
abound in the army.

Now that I have admitted to
my sinful malfunctions, I
would like to reassure those
students who are extremely
ashamed of such performance.
As I have been informed by my
"superiors." all of these
problems can and will be
solved by the use of a little
stern discipline. Indeed, I have
already been threatened with
court martials for such
well-defined crimes as
malingering and
insubordination. Therefore, rest
assured that these malfunctions
will most definitely be cured so
that one day I will be a perfect
little green robot that will be
incapable of thinking for itself
and will commit absolutely
none of the aforementioned
offenses, which are so vitally
detrimental to our national
defense.

Reservations

At 7 p.m. on December 1st,
I waited patiently in line to get
a good seat to the 8:30
performance of "Jesus Christ,
Superstar." When the gates
opened, I rushed down the
steps towards the seats nearest
the stage, Just as I am about to
make my claim to a seat, a
young man informs me that
these seats are...reserved. Shyly
I back away, finding a seat to
the side of these eight rows of
"golden" chairs. But as these
"reserved" seats filled, my
anger grew. Who were these
people, anyway? A sign near
the rear of these chairs said
"University Union." But eight
rows? Why, the last Union
meeting I went to was attended
by less than ten or fifteen
people. Why all these reserved
seats, then?

According to the printing
on the tickets sold, there are
"no reserved seats."
Technically then, and legally
speaking, this was flagrant
misrepresentation. The prime
seats for the show had been
reserved! However, the main
gripe is not that they were just
reserved, but who they were
reserved for. If it had been the
ushers, fine. They have to
stand facing the crushing
masses of ticket holders for
thirty or forty minutes, and are
unable to procure good seats
for themselves. But from the
looks of the crowd sitting in
the reserved section, I wonder
whether all of them were even
University students. I know all
of them weren't from the
Union and, even if they were, I
doubt seriously that all of
these people worked diligently
to bring "Superstar" here.
However, if they did work to
bring the performance here,
then I say "Bravo," and let
them find their own seats in
that case also.

It's not that I'm against
reserved seating. In some cases
I would think it an excellent
alternative to the chaos at
University Hall. But I don't
believe that a discriminatory
policy of seating should exist
as it did at "Superstar." Elitism
is not, and should not be
condoned at Mr. Jefferson's
University.

Condemnation

It is my duty to inform you
that the Jefferson Literary and
Debating Society condemns
the policies by which the
Athletics Department allocates
student seating at basketball
games. This policy is
completely inane and totally
unfair. The Society is
particularly displeased that you
have not ended this fiasco and
adopted a reasonable policy,
even though many students
have been denied their right to
see this week's game.

We can only hope that,
sooner or later, you will
stumble across something that
works. If nothing else can be
done, restore last year's policy
of open admission. It may have
caused some inconvenience but
at least we were able to see the
games.

More Damns

There are hundreds of
discontented Cavalier fans at
the University today due to the
inept way the Athletic
Department has handled the
problem of student seating at
basketball games. It has
allocated only 3800 seats to
the student section and has
compounded this mistake by
using a grossly unfair method
of distributing student tickets.

The latter need not concern
us for the root of the problem
rests in the restrictions on the
student section. Why should
seating be limited to 3800? If
last year's turnouts are any
indication of student support,
then the Athletic Department
must realize that upwards of
4200 students desire to attend
the basketball games.

I question the turnstile
figure of only 2600, clearly it
has decided to ignore this
demand in favor of the more
remunerative non-student
demand for general admission
seats. Full student
participation is being
sacrificed to increased gate
receipts. I could ask "Do we
have athletics at the University
to maximize profits or for the
students' benefit?", but that
would lead us astray from our
topic.

The fact is that part of each
student's comprehensive fee
goes to pay for University
athletics including b-ball. How
then can anyone justify
denying students admission to
the basketball games?
Obviously no one can without
some tricky mental gymnastics.
I don't care if the University's
system allows a higher
percentage of students to
attend games than other ACC
schools — their unjustness does
not justify the Athletic
Department's.

A number of solutions
exist: 1) abolish subsidizing
University athletics with
student funds and let those
students who wish to attend
athletic events pay the market
price. This means making all
sports at the University
self-supporting. I suspect the
Athletic Department would
soon discover it has nothing
left. It needs the student
subsidy.

2) expand the student
section to about 4500 or so,
raise general admission prices,
and pray that next year's
misguided expansion doesn't
saddle U-Hall with 5000
student fans.

3) announce the following
plan: all students who are in
line before the opening tip-off
of the Cavayearling games are
guaranteed seats. Students
arriving later pay general
admission prices (which must
be raised) along with all others.
This plan would insure that all
students who really desire to
see the games could—no one
would be turned away because
the "quota" was filled. The
Athletic Department would
know well before the varsity
game how many general
admission seats it has.

The value judgement
underlying all this is that
students should have priority
over all others when it comes
to seeing University games.

After all, the team is called the
University of Virginia, not the
Charlottesville Cavaliers.

Plebeian Niveau

Re the article by Walter
Bardenwerper, "Crush the
Infamous Thing!", i.e. the
language requirement (CD,
Nov. 30, 1971). The specious
arguments he presents require
no direct rebuttal. I would like
to present two points which
speak for the study of foreign
languages, even if it is
compulsory.

1. English is not the only
language in the world and
English literature is not the
only literature worthy of our
attention. If the
"well-rounded" individual (a
sophomoric term carried over
by Mr. Bardenwerper) reads
and understands only English,
then that individual certainly
remains at a plebeian niveau.

Fortunately for us the use
of English as a language for the
sciences and for diplomacy is
increasing. This does not mean.