University of Virginia Library

No Magic Found At Counseling Center

power over circumstances.
developing person then
gradually becomes aware of the
possibilities of the larger world
outside his own, whether he wants
to or not: we have compulsory
school attendance!

The school experience is as
curious as the family environment.
It teaches a mixed bag of
exploration and conformity - but
maintains continuity in the sense
that "experts" or "authorities" are
in charge (just as we see in the
family) and direct the external
events that happen to the students.
Most of the kids go along with this
style most of the time. Many
transfer the right to determine who
they are to their teachers: they find
out what the teacher overly or
subtly values and try to behave in
ways that will gain approval - or at
least avoid disapproval. That is,
they do if all has gone well before!
You see, there is great
reinforcement for acting this way:
"He approves of me, ergo I must be
lovable and worthwhile - I am a
good person." Most people thus
re-invest their teachers (and grades)
with unquestioned power to
determine their value as persons.
This re-investment authorizes their
own success. If this cycle goes on
too successfully, it is not hard to
see that considerable dependence
on external authority results.

Per chance our "developing
person" (D.P.?) enters college; and,
depending upon an enormous variety
of circumstances, gradually
begins to realize that he is going to
be expected to increase his sense of
independence ... that considerable
freedom of choice is indeed now his
- in many areas of his existence.
Perhaps the most frightening aspect
of his awareness is the sense that his
self concept is essentially a lie - a
vital lie - necessary to cloak him
from overwhelming fears of insignificance
and inferiority during his
development. All of us have been
and continually are being confronted
with the paralyzing facts
that we are not the center of the
universe as individuals, as a family,
as a school, as a nation - even as a
planet. Somehow "world" even
sounds more comfortable than
"planet" - as though we can
embrace one and dimly grasp the
other.

Magical Tests

Colleges are not the sole incubators
for individuals seeking answers
to these questions. Our
societal structure merely makes this
age range and environment a
prominent receptacle.

At any rate, many college
students either begin or enlarge
upon an examination of their
power base - of their sources of
power that allow them to function
(for these sources control their
sense of freedom). Family values,
God, friends, grades, money -
personal skills, capacities and
health.

Some of these young people
come to Counseling Centers seeking
assistance with these problems and
predicaments. Some come seeking
answers from us or the magical tests
we are supposed to have (an
extension of the dependence on
external authority). A few seem to
understand that the decisions and
answers are within themselves.

But now to our problem as
counselors: how do we best help
anyone investigate himself, test the
realities of life, and arrive at
behaviors most likely to enhance
his life?

'Father Knows Best'

Shall we adjust him to some
special narrow view of the world or
pet value that we espouse? Remember,
many people are only too glad
to thrust the burden of their
decision upon others and the
temptation to play "Father knows
best" is very great.

In fact, we attempt to convey
by our behavior the following basic
assumptions:

1. A human being is an energy
transforming organism who strives
all of his life to avoid pain and
anxiety and to enhance his sense of
self actualization.

2. A human being is born
worthwhile, lovable, and fallible.

Beyond the transmission of
those values our task is oriented
toward developing an atmosphere
wherein the person may drop the
armor of his defenses that have
protected aspects of the "vital lie" I
mentioned earlier. Every effort is
made to allow the person to
examine himself, his world, the
meanings he has given both of
them, and the feelings he has about
those perceptions. He is encouraged
to suggest behavioral changes that
he might want to make - he is
encouraged to check assumptions
he has made about himself and
others but never tested. All of this
is done in a relationship which says
loud and clear "I respect you." You
are the one most capable of
determining the course of your own
life. I accept you as you are. If you
can accept yourself as you are,
acknowledging all of your behavior
and feelings as you find them, you
are enhancing your capabilities to
live a full life within the limits of
your powers and external circumstances.

Thus, the question of leading a
meaningful existence remains in the
hands of the individual, who, as a
self-accepting person, relatively free
of the burdens of defensive
behavior, can more accurately imbue
or create importance and
significance for his life. He has
begun a journey into the center of
himself - it is long, often painful,
but vital to living a full life.