University of Virginia Library

Volunteers Face Wide Racial-Social Gap
'Trying To Be Big Brothers In Truest Sense'

By BUCK COLE

"We're not only helping the kids, but also
learning from the kids and the experience of
relating to new people from different
backgrounds."

Third-year man Mason Granger values his
experience as a big brother to an underprivileged
black child more highly than his two year old
role as director of the Madison Hall Big
Brother/Big Sister Program, during which time
the program has grown from 75 to 300
volunteers.

Mr. Granger's attitude is not surprising since
Madison Hall, unlike many student organizations,
is not concerned with prestige and power, but
with service and people.

Striving To Raise Self-Esteem

As a big brother or sister, a volunteer strives
to "raise the child's generally low level of
self-esteem and help him or her to become
capable of forming meaningful personal
relationships," according to the program's
handbook.

This may sound a bit difficult if a big brother
spends only a few hours a week with his child.
But even the mere presence of a volunteer can
boost the child's confidence in two important
ways: by providing a male or female image that a
parentless child may lack, and by giving personal
attention to a child who may be overlooked in a
large family with a working mother.

One of the most valuable contributions any
big brother can make is exposing the child to a
variety of activities, lifestyles, and places which he
would not otherwise experience.

"When I met my little brother in October,
1970, he had never seen the downtown, the
University, or Barracks Road," Mr. Granger
recalled. "I've tried to give him some knowledge
about Charlottesville and open the community
up to him."

As black second-year man Michael Hall added,
"These kids often don't ever leave their
neighborhoods until they have formed concepts
about society without ever knowing a white
world exists too. Then it is too late to change the
ideas programmed in his little neighborhood."

'Get Me A Counselor'

The kids and their parents do not take Mr.
Hall's intellectual approach to the value of the
program. Almost unanimously, they think the
project is "great" because it allows the kids to go
places that their parents cannot take them.

"Every hour for the past couple of days a
little boy has called me to ask when his big
brother is coming," related Mrs. Jane Beck, who
has worked with the Trinity Church Referral
Program for many years. "Kids run up to me on
the street and yell 'Jane Beck, Jane Beck! Get me
a counselor.' Having a big brother, or 'counselor',
as the kids call him, really means a lot to them,"
she added.

This emphasis on travel and entertainment is a
major source of frustration that big brothers
face. Counselors often feel "used" by the kids,
become disillusioned with the program, and
sometimes resign.

Third-year student, Mary Smith, a participant
in the now defunct Circle K Big Sister Program
two years ago, quit in exasperation because "I

CD/Dan Grogan

Big Brother/Big Sister Program: 'Exposing The Child To A Variety Of Activities'

never felt as if I helped her. I was just a status
symbol for her and a source of gifts and
expensive entertainment."

Another source of frustration is age. The
idealized little brother appears very receptive,
affectionate, and perhaps even a bit infatuated
with his counselor. A younger child, especially
under ten, will very likely respond in that way,
but an older child is less likely to be so warm and
open.

Volunteers As Father Figures

"Younger kids are easier to work with and
more fun, but they have less need for a counselor
than older ones," observed George Hughes,
student director of the Garroett Street area
sub-program.

Black second-year man Michael Hall strongly
feels that older boys need a big brother more than
his five-year old little brother does. "At 12 or 13,
a boy needs a father figure as he is becoming a
man. He needs constructive guidance," he noted.

Surprisingly, this issue of constructive
guidance is the only serious complaint that Mr.
Hall has against white volunteers. Black first-year
student Sheila Cobbs agrees.

"Race does not make much difference if the
volunteer approaches it right, but whites tend to
let their kids run wild rather than teaching them
manners," Miss Cobbs explained. "It destroys
what I have tried to teach my little sister when
they get together at program functions."

A key to any successful relationship is the
volunteer's rapport with the child's parents,
because the volunteer must complement the
parent without overshadowing him. "Without
parental support, I doubt anything can be
accomplished," Mr. Hughes noted.

Another Problem: The 'Pied Piper' Effect

A big brother's problems are not always so
complex, however. For example, the dreaded
"pied piper" effect of going to pick up one little
brother and suddenly being swarmed by the
whole neighborhood for a ride irritates a big
brother who is trying to become intimate with
his child.

Even more aggravating is the problem of transportation for
students without cars. First-year student Meg Vinson is one
such victim of the "no car" syndrome. Several weeks after she
had volunteered in September, she had spent $15 on her little
sister and her friends, lost two bicycle tires (one to broken
glass, while her little sister was riding; the other to an
anonymous safety pin) and had taken two freezing cross-town
walks. Understandably, she resigned; at least until she gets a
car next fall.

Another big sister has confronted nearly all the social and
psychological problems that the program could possibly
present. Her 13-year-old little sister has failed three grades and
is still in the fifth grade.

At first the volunteer felt she was being used because the
child just seemed to want money spent on her, while
remaining emotionless and apathetic.

Her mother appreciates the program for taking her
daughter places and teaching her manners. However, the child
considers the program "O.K." solely because the counselor
takes her places.

"I am learning a lot from my little sister and especially
from her mother, I think the girl is learning from me and my
friends, but I still have to break through the surface apathy,"
the second-year student commented. "I'll never be a big sister
to her. But I enjoy being with her. Maybe in five years, she
will remember that someone white really cared."

Determining whether the relationship accomplishes
anything, in fact, worries many volunteers.

"Each situation is unique. A volunteer cannot expect his
relationship to be like anyone else's," commented Mr. Hughes,
who as an advisor to big brothers understands their frustrations.

"A transformation in the child's attitude toward the
volunteer does not usually represent any radical transformation
in the child.

"Some kids are really hard to work with and one cannot
expect much visible change," he continued. "It takes a lot of
committment."

Third-year men Greg Tilton and Stuart Ball have developed a
different kind of relationship with their little brothers over the
past two years. "It has been a casual relationship," Mr. Tilton
said. "It is not a therapeutic thing, but it gets them out of their
environment once in awhile. Our relationship has been mostly
fun."

Mr. Tilton's little brother is coming out of his extreme
shyness as his confidence builds. Mr. Ball's eight-year-old first
grader is outgrowing both his incoherent, vivid imagination as
well as the abuse he received at home where he was known as
"Stinky."

"My little brother has matured over the years," Mr. Ball
verified, "although not so much by our efforts."

"It's pretty unrealistic to assume an important influence on
a kid of eight and change his habits when I see him three hours
a week," Mr. Tilton admitted.

"We just try to be a big brother in the truest sense of the
word."

(Becoming a big brother is an easy process: simply stop by
Madison Hall Offices on the second floor of the Wesley
Foundation Building, located on Lewis Mountain Road, fill out
a questionnaire, and speak to one of the program's directors; if
possible, state a preference for the program and kind of child
that you desire to work with. Volunteers are needed, but
probably will not be assigned a child until next fall.
–Ed.)