The Cavalier daily :: Friday, April 13, 1973 :: University of Virginia Library

LEFTY DRIESELL UNCATEGORICALLY DENIED
RUMORS TODAY that he, Tom McMillen and Rich Porac
"willingly perform perverse and unnatural acts" upon each
other during Maryland timeouts. Speaking during a hastily
called press conference, Lefty said, "Homersex-y'all? I don't
even know how to spell it much less do it. Besides, we're just
good friends." Driesell did announce, however, that the
Terrapin's Saturday night practice would be canceled due to
the Gay Student Union's Bunny Hop.

After Dreisell departed, Jim "Bozo" O'Brien disclosed that
he has not as yet made a decision about his pro career. "Coach
Driesell and I have spent long hours discussing my future. Both
the NBA's Atlanta Hawks and the ABA's New York Nets have
offered very attractive bonuses. But right now I'm leaning
toward Barnum and Bailey's Circus."

Next to speak was Tom McMillen, who, prompted by
advice from his personal buddy Richard Nixon, refused an
AAU invitation to participate in the upcoming U.S.-Russian
basketball tournament. A victim of the U.S. Olympic tragedy
in Munich, McMillen said, "Uncle Dickie agreed with me that
one reamjob from those God-hating Pinkos is enough."

REACTING TO ADVERSE CRITICISM of Coach Don
DeVoe's comments on his school's high academic standards,
Virginia Tech president T. Marshall Hahn reiterated his
athletic program's dedication to classroom scholarship. "We iz
justez smart az dem Wahoos,"stated President Hahn. He
emphasized that Tech's student-athletes were as qualified as
any in the country, citing several statistics to support his
point:

–90 per cent could speak some language fluently;

–53 per cent had received high school academic honors,
like diplomas;

–61 per cent had read at least one "literary work" in the
past year;

–twice as many made Dean's list in 1963 (two vs. one).

Hahn mentioned that public reaction to the Hokies' NIT
victory was "overflowing." Since their one point victory over
the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame in the New York tourney's
finals, the basketball team has received "tons of fan mail,
commendations from Virginia's legislature, and above all, a
couple of nasty letters from the Pope."

BACK TO THE GOOD OLE U.– Athletic Director Gene
Corrigan yesterday proclaimed that "this year, as has been the
case for the past three, all basketball contests were sellouts."

Citing this and the "devil inflation that is ravaging the
country," Corrigan announced a 20 per cent increase in the
1973-74 U-Hall budget, $300 of which was earmarked "to
remove those unsightly cobwebs from the top four rows."

ACC commissioner Bob James fined Coach Bill Gibson
$300 for the Cavalier head coach's criticism of the officiating
in the N.C. State game Jan.6 in Charlottesville. The "Hooter"
was quoted as saying, "That (George) Conley gave us the
hosejob," during a postgame interview.

"We've got an image to keep," said James, "and these
things tend to snowball. Today he got 'hosed,' tomorrow he'll
get 'f**ked over.' "

VIRGINIA MILITARY INSTITUTE FOOTBALL COACH
BOB THALMAN drastically altered his team's 1973 football
schedule to, in Thalman's words, "retrieve the competitive
edge. We've been the Southern Conference whipping boy for
too long." Included among VMI's opponents next fall are such
Eastern powers as Virginia School for the Deaf, Dumb and
Blind, St. Anne's Crippled Children's Home, and the Holy
Cross Hospital's Emergency Room.

Duke's Chris Redding, Alan Shaw and Gary Melchionni
agreed today to star in the title roles of MGM's sequel to
"Three Mules for Sister Sarah." Redding expressed second
thoughts about the movie's script: "One stray spur from Clint
Eastwood and he'll get his face smashed in."

Public expectations to the contrary, North Carolina's
George Karl confirmed Thursday that he will remain a staunch
Jesus Freak despite his team's ACC tournament loss to Wake
Forest. The Demon Deacon victory reportedly included at
least two alleged "miracle shots."

As the dejected Karl explained, "The Lord giveth and the
Lord taketh away." He did admit, though, to having pre-registered
in Buddhism 23 for the fall semester.

The trial of N.C. State's Tom Burleson continued today
(see page 4) as coach Norm Sloan appeared in behalf of his star
center, who is charged with breaking and entering a vending
machine. When asked by State prosecutor Hurley Gnu why a
player with hundreds of thousands of dollars awaiting him in
the pros could commit such a senseless crime, Sloan replied,
"He must have though it was a pinball machine."

SPORTS SCORES FROM THE WEEKEND: New York
Community College mugged Georgetown, 8-2; Utah Tech
brought Oral Roberts to its knees, 5-3; and Ball State raped
Elizabeth City College, 9-0. In pro sports, a partial score:
Philadelphia 4.

QUESTION: How do you lure a 12-foot elephant to play
at Southwest Louisiana?

ANSWER: Pay him $400 a month.

Beryl Shipley, the Ragin' Cajuns' coach, denied that his
school had committed 126 recruiting violations, as alleged by
the NCAA. "There are only 119 rules to be broke, and hell, we
must have obeyed at least seven or eight."