University of Virginia Library

Unicops Nab Local Grain Gang

Weekend Partiers
Face Dry Easters

There will be a crucial shortage
of alcohol for Easters weekend
at the University, Department
of Security director Wade Bromwell
revealed yesterday, following
the surprise arrest of the
Crammit gang that supplies the local
students.

In a lightning move, two University
policemen uncovered a
major source of Bourbon late
Thursday night, the night before
it was to be bottled and shipped to
local outlets, in a suburban back
yard off Grady Avenue.

The two investigators found a
large underground storage tank
filled with Virginia Bourbon, and
were able to arrest three men when
they came yesterday morning to
begin the bottling process.

The three were quickly identified
as members of the Crammit gang,
a local band who periodically came
down from the mountains to the
tune of "Comin, Down the Mountain,"
and sold their wares reportedly
to specified student buyers
along with the A.B.C. stores. Police
had been seeking them for years.

The owner of the backyard
could not be located, as he had
not been seen in town for over a
week. At last report, he was believed
headed for the West Virginia
line in his black sedan.

Local Alcoholic Beverage Controller
I. Likit Drier expressed his
horror that the University could
do such thing. "I am deeply shocked
that the University could and
would push such denial, such suffering
on the students in Charlottesville."
He later mentioned the
state of Virginia stood to lose "a
few hundred dollars" in taxes lost
on the sales of bourbon.

"Those who are hoping to buy
some bourbon had better come
quick," he noted. "Our shelves,
sorely depleted by Thursday's rush,
are practically bare now—we have
only a few fifths left."

Mr. Bromwell reserved comment
on the actions of his men. It was
rumored that President Shannon
had offered an ample retirement
pension to the two officers, and
that the state was suing for damages,
but the security chief remained
quiet.

The site of the deposit was found
by the officers at 1:10 a.m., cleverly
concealed behind a large flowering
bush and embedded in the
earth so as to make as little noise
as possible.

A stakeout has since been
placed at the site, but no further
attempts to bottle the bourbon
have been reported.

Captured Photo By Blanche Crammit Of Notorious Gang

Unicops Add Feather To Helmet With Thursday Night Raid