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1Author:  Kennedy John Pendleton 1795-1870Requires cookie*
 Title:  Quodlibet  
 Published:  1997 
 Subjects:  University of Virginia Library, Text collection | UVA-LIB-Text | University of Virginia Library, Early American Fiction, 1789-1875 | UVA-LIB-EarlyAmFict1789-1875 
 Description: It was at the close of the year 1833—or rather, I should say, at the opening of the following spring, that our Borough of Quodlibet took that sudden leap to greatness, which has, of late, caused it to be so much talked about. Our folks are accustomed to set this down to the Removal of the Deposites. Indeed, until that famous event, Quodlibet was, as one might say in common parlance, a place not worth talking about—it might hardly be remarked upon the maps. But since that date, verily, like Jeshurun, it has waxed fat. It has thus come to pass that “The Removal” is a great epoch in our annals—our Hejirah—the A. U. C. of all Quodlibetarians. “Sir:—The Patriotic Copper-plate Bank of Quodlibet has been selected by this department as the depository of the public money collected in Quodlibet and its vicinity; and the Marshal will hand you the form of a contract proposed to be executed, with a copy of his instructions from this department. In selecting your institution as one of the fiscal agents of the government, I not only rely on its solidity and established character, as affording a sufficient guarantee for the safety of the public money entrusted to its keeping, but I confide also in its disposition to adopt the most liberal course which circumstances will admit, towards other moneyed institutions generally, and particularly those in your vicinity. The deposites of the public money will enable you to afford increased facilities to commerce, and to extend your accommodations to individuals; and as the duties which are payable to the government arise from the business and enterprise of the merchants engaged in foreign trade, it is but reasonable that they should be preferred in the additional accommodations which the public deposites will enable your institution to give, whenever it can be done without injustice to the claims of other classes of the community. “This is to give notice, that we who have put our sign-manuals to the foot thereof, being till now snorting Whigs, having heard our Postmaster, Clem Straddle, Esq., say that he knows General Harrison sold five white men as slaves off his plantation, and is for Abolition, and whipped four naked women on their bare backs, and is for imprisonment for debt, and moreover is for making a King, and goes for raising the expenses of the Government up to fifteen millions, and is a coward and wears petticoats, and is kept in a cage, and wants to reduce wages, and for that purpose is a going to have a standing army of two hundred thousand men, which our free and independent spirits wont bear, and wants to give the public money, which comes from the sweat of our brows, and public lands, to Sam. Swartwout and Price, and a gang of British Whigs, which we consider against the Constitution, and moreover we dont believe he wont answer, and has got no principles excepting them what he used to have, and is against the Independent Treasury which was signed Fourth of July, whereby it is the Declaration of Independence; and the aforesaid Clem Straddle, Esq., which writeth this for us and in our names, being against all office-holders which the British Whigs is a striving after, and tells us to vote for Van Buren, we being an affectionate father and five orphan children without any mother, and never had any since infancy, make known that in 21 the next Presidential election in this Territory, if we had a vote, and if not we shall vote in Missouri, we goes against Tip. and Ty. and all that disgusting mummery of Log Cabins, Hard Cider, Coonskins, Possums, and Gourds, in regard of their lowering morals, and goes for Jackson, Hickory Poles, Whole Hogs, and Van Buren, as witness our hands and seals. Gentle reader, I have performed my covenant. Quod meum fuit præstiti. What content these chronicles, and the poor skill with which they are set forth, may have brought to our respcctable Committee, I am in no position to decide; since I know that an author is seldom honestly commended to his face. That there is division of opinion on this matter I am aware; for upon the reading at the last meeting on Wednesday night, I could not fail to observe certain signs of dissent, if not of displeasure, passing between Eliphalet Fox and Zachary Younghusband; and that more than once. But Mr. Flam, who has always shown himself a true friend and patron to me, took up my cause with such spirit and effect, being well supported by Mr. Doubleday and Mr. Snuffers—that a unanimous vote of approbation was finally passed by the Committee. Thus sheltered under the shield of triple brass and tough bull hide of our Grand Central Committee, I cheerfully submit my labors to the judgment of the good folks of Quodlibet; promising, if they approve and should again call me to the desk, to contribute what my opportunity may allow to the better elucidation of their character, both social and public, wherein it is manifest an eager desire to be instructed hath lately grown up in this nation. Non sum qui oblivionis artem, quam memoriæ mallem.
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