| | 1 | Author: | Kennedy
John Pendleton
1795-1870 | Requires cookie* | | | Title: | Quodlibet  | | | | Published: | 1997 | | | | Subjects: | University of Virginia Library, Text collection | UVA-LIB-Text | University of Virginia Library, Early American Fiction, 1789-1875 | UVA-LIB-EarlyAmFict1789-1875 | | | | Description: | It was at the close of the year 1833—or rather, I should
say, at the opening of the following spring, that our Borough
of Quodlibet took that sudden leap to greatness, which has,
of late, caused it to be so much talked about. Our folks
are accustomed to set this down to the Removal of the Deposites.
Indeed, until that famous event, Quodlibet was,
as one might say in common parlance, a place not worth
talking about—it might hardly be remarked upon the maps.
But since that date, verily, like Jeshurun, it has waxed fat.
It has thus come to pass that “The Removal” is a great epoch
in our annals—our Hejirah—the A. U. C. of all Quodlibetarians. “Sir:—The Patriotic Copper-plate Bank of Quodlibet has
been selected by this department as the depository of the public
money collected in Quodlibet and its vicinity; and the Marshal
will hand you the form of a contract proposed to be executed,
with a copy of his instructions from this department. In selecting
your institution as one of the fiscal agents of the government,
I not only rely on its solidity and established character, as
affording a sufficient guarantee for the safety of the public money
entrusted to its keeping, but I confide also in its disposition to
adopt the most liberal course which circumstances will admit,
towards other moneyed institutions generally, and particularly
those in your vicinity. The deposites of the public money will
enable you to afford increased facilities to commerce, and to extend
your accommodations to individuals; and as the duties which
are payable to the government arise from the business and enterprise
of the merchants engaged in foreign trade, it is but reasonable
that they should be preferred in the additional accommodations
which the public deposites will enable your institution to
give, whenever it can be done without injustice to the claims of
other classes of the community. “This is to give notice, that we who have put our sign-manuals
to the foot thereof, being till now snorting Whigs,
having heard our Postmaster, Clem Straddle, Esq., say that
he knows General Harrison sold five white men as slaves
off his plantation, and is for Abolition, and whipped four
naked women on their bare backs, and is for imprisonment
for debt, and moreover is for making a King, and goes for
raising the expenses of the Government up to fifteen millions,
and is a coward and wears petticoats, and is kept in
a cage, and wants to reduce wages, and for that purpose is
a going to have a standing army of two hundred thousand
men, which our free and independent spirits wont bear, and
wants to give the public money, which comes from the sweat
of our brows, and public lands, to Sam. Swartwout and
Price, and a gang of British Whigs, which we consider
against the Constitution, and moreover we dont believe he
wont answer, and has got no principles excepting them
what he used to have, and is against the Independent Treasury
which was signed Fourth of July, whereby it is the
Declaration of Independence; and the aforesaid Clem Straddle,
Esq., which writeth this for us and in our names, being
against all office-holders which the British Whigs is a striving
after, and tells us to vote for Van Buren, we being an
affectionate father and five orphan children without any mother,
and never had any since infancy, make known that in
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the next Presidential election in this Territory, if we had a
vote, and if not we shall vote in Missouri, we goes against
Tip. and Ty. and all that disgusting mummery of Log
Cabins, Hard Cider, Coonskins, Possums, and Gourds, in
regard of their lowering morals, and goes for Jackson, Hickory
Poles, Whole Hogs, and Van Buren, as witness our
hands and seals. Gentle reader, I have performed my covenant. Quod
meum fuit præstiti. What content these chronicles, and the
poor skill with which they are set forth, may have brought to
our respcctable Committee, I am in no position to decide;
since I know that an author is seldom honestly commended
to his face. That there is division of opinion on this matter
I am aware; for upon the reading at the last meeting on
Wednesday night, I could not fail to observe certain signs
of dissent, if not of displeasure, passing between Eliphalet
Fox and Zachary Younghusband; and that more than once.
But Mr. Flam, who has always shown himself a true friend
and patron to me, took up my cause with such spirit and
effect, being well supported by Mr. Doubleday and Mr.
Snuffers—that a unanimous vote of approbation was finally
passed by the Committee. Thus sheltered under the shield
of triple brass and tough bull hide of our Grand Central
Committee, I cheerfully submit my labors to the judgment
of the good folks of Quodlibet; promising, if they approve
and should again call me to the desk, to contribute what my
opportunity may allow to the better elucidation of their character,
both social and public, wherein it is manifest an eager
desire to be instructed hath lately grown up in this nation.
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