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1Author:  Locke David Ross 1833-1888Add
 Title:  Ekkoes from Kentucky  
 Published:  2003 
 Subjects:  University of Virginia Library, Text collection | UVA-LIB-Text | University of Virginia Library, Early American Fiction, 1789-1875 | UVA-LIB-EarlyAmFict1789-1875 
 Description: I NEVER wuz so elevated, nor never so cast down, in my life, ez last nite, and the entire Corners wuz ditto. The circumstances uv the case wuz ez follows: Me and a party uv friends wuz a playin draw poker with a Noo York commershel travler, I believe they call em, a feller with a mustash and side whiskers, wich comes South a talkin secesh and a sellin goods. He made some inquiries about the standin uv the deelers at the Corners, and wuz, arter sed inquiries, eggstreemly anxious to sell em goods, for cash. They wanted em on ninety days' time, and on this they split. He agreed with em in principle — he drank to Jeff Davis, and damned Linkin flooently — but on the cash question he wuz inflexible and unmovable. To while away the rosy hours, a knot of choice sperits, him inclooded, gathered in the Post Orifis, to enjoy a game uv draw poker. There wuz me and Square Gavitt, and Deekin Pogram, and Elder Slathers, and the Noo York drummer. We played till past the witchin hour of 12 M., when graveyards yawn and gosts troop forth — when the Noo Yorker suckumd. His innocent, unseasoned bowels hedn't bin eddicated up to the standard uv Kentucky whiskey, wich, new ez we drink it, is pizen to foreigners. The Deekin and Elder grabbed the stakes wich wuz onto the table, and rifled his pockets on the suspishen that he wuz a Ablishinist, and rolled him out, and while in the very act, Pollock, the Illinoy storekeeper, cum rushin in, askin us ef we'd heerd the news. “My dear Sir: My confirmashen by the Senit uv the Yoonited States to the posishen uv Postmaster at the Confederit × Roads, wich is in the State uv Kentucky, being somewhat jeopardized by my operashuns in the politikle field doorin the past two years, I hev the honor to explane that, notwithstandin the fact that I wuz a original Demokrat, early in the war I took up arms for the preservashen uv our beloved Yoonion. The precise date I cannot give, owin to the demoralized condishen uv my mind at the time; but that yoo kan assertane for yoorselves. It wuz about two weeks after the fust draft. That I laid down arms agin ez soon ez the regiment struck Southern sile will not, when the motives wich actooated me are known, be allowed to weigh agin me. It hez bin said I deserted to the enemy, — so it wuz sed uv John Champe, but history subsekently vindicated him; he went to ketch Arnold. I will not stop to reply to my defamers; but ef it comes out finally that I went for the purpose uv satisfyin rebels by okular demonstrashun that they hed nothin to hope for from the Northern Democrats, uv whom I wuz a average specimen, what kin my enemies say then? “Hev determined to be President or nothin. Shel remove Stanton, and immejitly thereafter Sheridan, and ultimately the ballence uv em. Go on to Noo Orleens, and make this known to our frends. Draw on the general fund for expenses. “To the President: Notwithstandin the slite difference uv opinion that may egzist between us on certin minor questions uv public policy, and despite the unguarded expressions I may hev indulged in in the heet uv debate, I kin trooly say that I hev ever cherished the most endoorin faith in the rectitood uv yoor intenshuns, the honesty uv yoor purpose, and the purity uv yoor motives. I hev a nephew in my State who desires the posishen uv Assessor uv Internal Revenoo. He is capable and honest; and while he hez alluz voted the Republican ticket, he hez dun it so mildly ez not to be objeckshenable to those who differ with him. Indeed, last fall he wuz accoosed, and perhaps justly, uv votin for a candidate for Congress who wuz a supporter uv yoor policy, wich, tho I do not in all respecks accept, hez, I must acknowledge, many pints in it to recommend it to a discriminatin people. I shood esteem his nominashen a persnal favor. “To the President: I am, ez yoo are aware, known ez a Radical; but between generous foes there kin be none of that terrible spirit uv blind hate which characterizes some uv my associates, who shel be here nameless. I will say, however, that if the Senators from Massachoosets, and some others I cood menshun, wood resine or die, they wood confer a favor upon the country. I oppose you becoz I differ with yoo, ez does my State; but that opposishen hez never lessened my high admirashen uv your patriotism, yoor even temper, or the many good qualities uv your head and heart, wich shine out so conspickuous. I hale you ez a worthy successor uv the first A. J. I hed not intended to mix things persnel to myself in this friendly triboot, but will do violence to my feelins by observin that the posishun uv Collector at — is admirably adapted to a cousin uv mine, whose talence ez a lawyer hez never bin appreciated by those who know him best. He agrees with me that impeachment is not to be thot uv, and that sessions uv Congress, other than reglar ones, is uselis. Shood yoo be pleased to make the appintment, I shel be proud to return the favor in any way possible. Ef it woodent be askin too much, a son uv mine wood be glad to serve his country ez a Inspector uv Revenoo. Inheritin from me devoshun to our common country, he burns to devote himself to her service.
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