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1Author:  Armentrout, Amanda C.Add
 Title:  Amanda C. Armentrout to William F. Brand, July 29, 1866  
 Published:  2002 
 Subjects:  University of Virginia Civil War Collection | UVA-LIB-BrandLetterscivilwar 
 Description: This is a beautiful Sabbeth morn & all nature seems to be sending up its praises to the great & good God yes I say good (good when he gives supremely good nor less when he dinies) & it is Him who deserves the prais for he does all things well. Willie I was not well this morning nor have not been for a week & could not go to church so I thought I would respond to your dear messive that I Recd last Thursday Oh you know not how I felt when I got it I feared to open it my hand trembled when I grasped it & saw it was from you; but you will say what caused the fear now do not centure me for my weakness, I feared it would be cold & indiferent & perhaps bid me neve to right again but when I saw dear Kate it cheared me up yes I filt strong again & thought perhaps ther were some hope & now I am replying with you last request (write soon) yes I will try & comply with evry request that you make though I have been denied of evry one I have made. I will try & return good for evel, I am resigned to my fate. but I must hasten to respond to your dear sweet letter. you say mine caused your sensitive nature to mourn over the past my dear friend I am sorry that I caused you to morn over the past for it is wicked for me to mourn over it let alone being the cause of another one to be sad forgive me for making you thus. God in his goodness has some wise devise for doing this so I am willing to bare though the chastning rod has been sever it has brought me nearer him & maid a better girl of me & I hope ere long dear brother that you will exclame God is good & does all things well. Willie you wish a relies you have loved me I do not doubt that but your affections have changed & you soon wish to be free again & can I hold thy pure & noble heart bind it to me that is so impure as mine for I have been the cause of you being unhappy & I know not but what I am the cause of you loosing your religion though I hope not so Willie I am not worthy of you. I love you & can not help it but Willie I will never harm you love works no ill to any one I never expect to love another nor do not wish to no could I trust another could I ask my dear Father to chang that which I asked him to do but with in my bosom no never, but can I claim you when you are chainged; Oh my Heavenly Father forbid no no Willie I care not what may be my fate I can not hold thee to me if you do not wish it nor can I spurn you no Willie I blame myself in part for it yes the letter that I wrote last winter just after Christmas I blame for it yes dear Willie I will take half of the blame or all of it if it will make you happy for I have bore the blame & centure of the people for it & swore then it yes Willie I have bore the burden in the heat of the day I caused & cast it all uppon thee now but will bare half of it with you. I will tell you some things that has (come) been said to me Kate you look sad you kicked Billie thinking you could do better & I dont pitty you one bit what could I say I dened the charge but it is generly believed that I did kick you yes I am blamed with your drinking which I neve did believe you did though you thought I did no Willie I could not believe it I would see you laying dead drunk in the mud I would (not) think it was not you there oh you said the next to the last time you were down her if I ever kicked you that you would get to drinking but Willie here is the hardest thing I had to endure that I had kicked you & you got to drinking on the account of it & that now I had lost my mind on the account of it Oh Willie is it not a wonder that I have not lost my mind as be blaimed with so much that I hope I am inosent of & yet I bilieve it is all for my own good "all work together for good to those that love God yes dear Willie God in all his ways is just & merciful & if we rely trust him though we pass through fire it will not harm us.
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