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1Author:  Mitchell Donald Grant 1822-1908Add
 Title:  The lorgnette, or, Studies of the town  
 Published:  1997 
 Subjects:  University of Virginia Library, Text collection | UVA-LIB-Text | University of Virginia Library, Early American Fiction, 1789-1875 | UVA-LIB-EarlyAmFict1789-1875 
 Description: You know, my dear Fritz, that I am not unused to the handling of a glass; and that I have amused myself for a considerable number of years in looking about the world, as carelessly and freely as I chose. Now, it has occurred to me, in the opening of this new half-century, (may you live to the end of it!) that in common justice, I ought to make such return as lies in my power, by attempting to amuse some little portion of that world, which has so long and gratuitously amused me. Dear Sir,—I wish you would send me, soon as convenient, the card of your friend Tophanes. I think he must be a `stick;' and I rather imagine he can give me the right sort of advice. For you must know that I've been hanging on the town nearly the whole winter, and yet the d—l of an invitation have I got. With this, my dear Fritz, I leave you to your quiet country avocations, until the mail of another week shall light up your solitude with a glowing No. V. It has been hinted to me that you are an old friend of my former husband; if you are, I wish you would do me the favor to call; any little remembrances of the dear, good man are most satisfying. I want to tell you, too, how much I approve your work; your judicious remarks upon taste, I cannot praise high enough. I have long felt the want of just such a book as you propose. As for the polka, you've said just what you ought to say; it's a positive shame, the way our young folks do go on in these matters! Only to think that my little cousin Polly went so far the other evening as to lay her head outright on a gentleman's shoulder, out of sheer exhaustion; why, Sir, it made all the blood boil in my body! I wish you would let me know who you are:— do; I think I could give you some capital hints; you know a lady knows a great deal that a gentleman never can know, try as hard as he may. Besides, I should like amazingly to dance a polka with you; I know from the way you write about it, that you must understand it a great deal better than the fussy little fellows who almost pull me over, and havn't got an idea of the spirit of the thing. A lady wants some sort of support,—doesn't she? I think you could give it, and not be pushing one about against the wall-flowers, and getting dizzy and stupid. Sir,—In some of your papers you have made flippant, and I think I may say, indelicate allusions to a Mr. Browne. A gentleman bearing that name, though differently spelled, has called my attention to the fact, and has consulted me (an advocate and attorney at law) upon the propriety of instituting an action for damages. “Mr. Timon:—I am astonished at you, my dear sir; why do you speak so harshly of the town ladies, and present them in so unfavorable lights? I have been all along a most excellent friend to your paper, and have, time and again, defended you against most merciless assaults; but if you do not speedily amend, and speak better of us, I shall leave you to defend yourself. Dear Sir,—I do not know but a serious letter will be out of place amid the ironical talk, and only half-earnest tone of your paper; at any rate, I have determined to tell you what I think and feel—a thing I scarce ever do even to my husband. For I have been married, you must know, nearly three years; and for the last seven years we have been trying (my Mamma and I) to `get up' in New York society. And now (Papa got rich four years ago last May) we have done it.
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