University of Virginia Library

Nay Painter, if thou dar'st design that Fight,
Which Waller only Courage had to write;
If thy bold Hands can without shaking draw,
What ev'n th'Actors trembled at when they saw,
Enough to make thy colours change like theirs,
And all thy Pencils bristle like their Hairs.

First in fit distance of the prospect main,
Paint Allen tilting at the Coast of Spain;
Heroick Act! and never heard till now!
Stemming of Herc'les Pillars with the Prow!
And how he left his Ship the Hills to waft,
And with new Sea-marks Cales and Dover graft.

Next let the flaming London come in view,
Like Nero's Rome, burnt to re-build it new;
What lesser Sacrifice than this was meet
To offer for the safety of the Fleet?
Blow one Ship up, another thence will grow:
See what free Cities and wise Courts can do!
So some old Merchant, to insure his Name,
Marries afresh, and Courtiers share the Dame:
So whatsoe'er is broke, the Servants pay't,
And Glasses are more durable than Plate.
No May'r till now, so rich a Pageant feign'd,
Nor one Barge all the Companies contain'd.

Then Painter, draw Cerulean Coventry,
Keeper, or rather Chancellour o'th' Sea;
And more exactly to express his hue
Use nothing but Ultra-Marinish Blue.
To pay his Fees, the Silver Trumpet spends,
And Boat-swains whistle, for his place depends,
Pilots in vain repeat their Compass o'er
Until of him they learn that one point more.
The constant Magnet to the Pole doth hold,
Steel to the Magnet, Coventry to Gold.
Muscovy sells us Pitch, and Hemp, and Tar;
Iron and Copper, Sweden; Munster, War;
Ashly, Prize; Warwick, Customs; Cart'ret, Pay;
But Coventry doth sell the Fleet away.

Now let our Navy stretch its Canvas Wings,
Swoln like his purse, with tackling like his strings,
By slow degrees of the increasing gale,
First under Sail, and after under Sale:
Then in kind visit unto Opdam's Gout,
Hedge the Dutch in, only to let them out.
So Huntsmen fair unto the Hares give Law,
First find them, and then civilly withdraw.
That the blind Archer when they take the Seas,
The Hambrough Convoy may betray with ease.
So that the Fish may more securely bite,
The Angler baits the River over Night.

But Painter, now prepare t'enrich thy piece,
Pencil of Ermins, Oyl of Ambergreece,
See where the Dutchess with Triumphant trail
Of numerous Coaches, Harwich does assail!
So the Land-Crabs, at Natures kindly call,
Down to ingender to the Sea do Crawl.
See then the Admiral with Navy whole,
To Harwich through the Ocean carry Coal:
So Swallows buried in the Sea at Spring,
Return to Land with Summer in their Wing.

One thrifty Ferry-boat of Mother Pearl,
Suffic'd of old, the Citherean Girl;
Yet Navies are but Fopperies when here,
A small Sea-Mask, and built to Court your Dear:
Three Goddesses in one, Pallas for Art,
Venus for sport, but Juno in your Heart.
O Dutchess! if thy Nuptial Pomp was mean,
'Tis paid with Interest in thy Naval Scene.
Never did Roman Mark within the Nile,
So Feast the fair Ægyptian Crocodile;
Nor the Venetian Duke with such a State
The Adriatick Marry, at that rate.

Now Painter, spare thy weaker Art; forbear
To draw her parting Passions and each Tear:
For Love, alas! hath but a short Delight;
The Sea, the Dutch, the King, all call'd to Fight.
She therefore the Dukes Person recommends
To Brunker, Pen, and Coventry, her Friends;
To Pen much, Brunker more, most Coventry;
For they she knew were all more fraid then he:
Of flying Fishes one had sav'd the Fin,
And hop'd by this he through the Air might Spin;
The other thought he might avoid the Knell,
By the invention of the Diving Bell;
The third had try'd it, and affirm'd a Cable
Coyled round about him, was impenetrable.
But these the Duke rejected, only chose
To keep far off; let others interpose.
Rupert, that knew no fear, but Health did want,
Kept State suspended in a Chair volant;
All save his Head shut in that wooden case,
He shew'd but like a broken Weather-glass;
But arm'd with the whole Lyon Cap-a-Chin,
Did represent the Hercules within.
Dear shall the Dutch his twinging anguish know,
And see what Valour whet with pain can do.
Curst in the mean time be that treach'rous Jael,
That through his Princely Temples drove the Nail.
Rupert resolv'd to fight it like a Lyon;
And Sand---ch hop'd to fight it like Arion;
He to prolong his Life in the dispute,
And charm the Holland Pirates, tun'd his Lute,
Till some judicious Dolphin might approach,
And land him safe and sound as any Roach.

Now Painter, reassume thy Pencils care,
Thou hadst but skirmish'd yet, now fight prepare;
And draw the Battle terrible to shew,
As the last Judgment was of Angelo.

First let our Navy scour through Silver Froth,
The Oceans burthen, and the Kingdoms both;
Whose very bulk may represent its Birth,
From Hide and Paston, burthens of the Earth;
Hide whose Transcendent panch so swells of late,
That he the Rupture seems of Law and State;
Paston whose Belly bears more Millions,
Than Indian Carrocks, and contains more Tuns.
Let shoals of Porpoises on every side
Wonder in Swimming by our Oaks out-vy'd;
And the Sea-fowl all gaze, t'behold a thing
So vast, more swift and strong then they of Wing.
But yet presaging George they keep in sight,
And follow for the Reliques of a Fight.
Then let the Dutch with well-dissembled fear,
Or bold despair, more than we wish, draw near:
At which our Gallants, to the Sea but tender,
And more to fight their easie Stomachs render,
With Breasts so panting, that at every stroke
You might have felt their Hearts beat through the Oak:
While one concerned in the Interval
Of straining Choler, thus did vent his Gall.

Noah be damn'd! and all his Race accurst,
Who in Sea brine did pickle Timber first!
What though he Planted Vines, he Pines cut down,
He taught us how to Drink and how to Drown:
He first built Ships, and in his Wooden Wall,
Saving but eight, e're since endanger'd all.
And thou Dutch Necromantick Fryar, be damn'd,
And in thine own first-Mortar-piece be ram'd!
Who first invented Cannon in thy Cell,
Nitre from Earth, and Brimstone fetcht from Hell.
But damn'd and treble damn'd be Clarendine,
Our seventh Edward, with all his House and Line!
Who to divert the danger of the War
With Bristol, hounds us on the Hollander:
Fool coated Gown-man! sells, to fight with Hance,
Dunkirk; dismantling Scotland, quarrels France:
And hopes he now hath bus'ness shap'd, and Power
T'out last our Lives or his, and scape the Tower;
And that he yet may see, er'e he go down,
His dear Clarinda circled in a Crown.

By this time both the Fleets in reach dispute,
And each the other Mortally salute:
Draw pensive Neptune biting of his Thumbs,
To think himself a Slave whoe're o'recomes.
The frighted Nymphs retreating to their Rocks,
Beating their Blue Breasts, tearing their Green locks.
Paint Eccho slain, only th'alternate Sound
From the repeating Cannon doth rebound.
Opdam Sails placed on his Naval Throne,
Assuming Courage greater than his own;
Makes to the Duke and threatens him from far,
To Nail him to his Boards like a Petar;
But in the vain attempt, took fire too soon,
And flies up in his Ship to catch the Moon.
Monsieurs like Rockets mount aloft, and crack
In thousand sparks, then dancingly fall back.
Yet e're this happen'd, destiny allow'd
Him his Revenge, to make his death more proud;
A fatal Bullet from his side did range,
And batter'd Lawson: Oh too dear Exchange!
He led our Fleet that Day too short a space,
But lost his Knee; since dy'd in Glory's Race:
Lawson! whose Valour beyond fate did go,
And still fights Opdam in the Lake below.
The Duke himself, tho' Pen did not forget,
Yet was not out of dangers Random set.
Falmouth was there, I know not what to Act;
Some say t'was to grow Duke too by contract:
An untaught Bullet in its wanton Scope,
Dashes him all to pieces, and his Hope.
Such was his rise, such was his fall, unprais'd;
A chance shot sooner took him than Chance rais'd:
His shatter'd Head the fearless Duke disdains,
And gave the last first proof that he had Brains.
Barilet had heard it soon, and thought not good
To venture more of Royal Harding's Blood:
To be Immortal he was not of Age,
An did e'en now the Indian Prize presage;
And judg'd it safe and decent, cost what cost,
To lose the Day, since his dear Brother's lost.
With his whole Squadron straight away he bore,
And like good Boy, promis'd to fight no more.
The Dutch Auranea careless, at us Sail'd;
And promis'd to do what Opdam fail'd:
Smith to the Duke doth intercept her way,
And cleaves t'her closer than a Remora:
The Captain wonder'd, and withal disdain'd,
So strongly by a thing so small, detain'd;
And in a raging brav'ry to him runs,
They stab their Ships with one anothers Guns:
They fight so near, it seems to be on Ground,
And ev'n the Bullets meeting, Bullets Wound.
The Noise, the Smoak, the Fire, the Sweat, the Blood,
Is not to be exprest, nor understood.
Each Captain from his Quarter-deck, Commands,
They wave their bright Swords glittering in their hands.
All Luxury of War, all Man can do
In a Sea-fight, did pass between them two:
But one must conquer, whosoever fight;
Smith takes the Gyant, and is made a Knight.
Marlbrough that knew, and durst do more than all,
Falls undistinguisht by an Iron-Ball:
Dear Lord! but born under a Star ingrate!
No Soul more clear, nor no more gloomy fate!
Who would set up Wars Trade that means to thrive?
Death picks the Valiant out, Cowards survive:
VVhat the Brave merit, th'Impudent do vaunt;
And none's rewarded but the Sycophant:
Hence all his Life he against Fortune fenc'd,
Or not well known, or not well recompenc'd:
But envy not this praise t'his memory,
None more prepar'd was, or less fit to Dye:
Rupert did others and himself excel:
Holms, Tydiman, Minns; bravely Sanson fell.
VVhat others did, let none omitted, blame,
I shall record, whoe'er brings in his Name:
But unless after stories disagree,
Nine onely came to fight, the rest to see.
Now all conspire unto the Dutchmens loss;
The wind, the fire, we, they themselves do cross.
VVhen a sweet sleep began the Duke to drown,
And with soft Diadems his Temples crown:
And first he orders all the rest to watch,
And They the Foe, whilst He a Nap doth catch:
But lo, Brunkar by a secret instinct,
Slept not, nor needed; he all day had winkt.
The Duke in bed, he then first draws his steel,
VVhose vertue makes the misled Compass wheel.
So ere He wak'd, both Fleets were innocent:
And Brunkar Member is of Parliament.

And now, dear Painter, after pains, like those,
'Twere time that I and thou too do repose.
But all our Navy 'scap'd so sound of Limb,
That a short space serv'd to refresh and trim;
And a tame Fleet of theirs doth Convoy want,
Laden with both the Indies, and Levant:
Paint but this one Scene more, the VVorld's our own,
And Halcyon Sand***ch doth command alone:
To Bergen we with confidence made haste,
And th'secret spoils by hope already taste;
Though Clifford in the Character appear
Of Supra-Cargo to our Fleet, and their
Wearing a Signet ready to clap on,
And seize all for his Master Arl***gton,

Ruyter whose little Squadron skim'd the Seas,
And wasted our remotest Colonies,
With Ships all foul, return'd upon our way;
Sand***ch would not disperse, nor yet delay;
And therefore like Commander grave and wise,
To scape his sight and fight, shut both his Eyes;
And for more state and sureness, Cutten true,
The left Eye closeth, the right Mountague;
And even Clifford proffer'd in his zeal,
To make all safe, t'apply to both his Seal.
Ulysses so, till Syrens he had past,
Would by his Mates be pinion'd to the Mast.

Now can our Navy view the wished Port,
But there (to see the Fortune!) was a Fort:
Sand***ch would not be beaten, nor yet beat;
Fools only fight, the Prudent use to treat.
His Cousin Moun***gue by Court-disaster,
Dwindled into the wooden Horse's Master:
To speak of Peace seem'd amongst all most proper,
Had Talbot then treated of nought but Copper:
Or what are Forts, when void of Ammunition?
With friends or foes what would we more condition?
Yet we three days, till the Dutch furnish'd all,
Men, Powder, Money, Cannon,—treat with Wall!
Then Tydiman, finding the Danes would not,
Sent in six Captains bravely to be shot.
And Moun***gue, though drest like any Bride,
And aboard him, too, yet was reach'd and dy'd:
Sad was the chance, and yet a deeper care
Wrinkled his Membranes under Forehead fair.
The Dutch Armado yet had th'impudence
To put to Sea, to waft their Merchants thence;
For as if all their Ships of Wallnut were,
The more we beat them, still the more they bear:
But a good Pilot, and a favouring Wind,
Brings Sand***ch back, and once again did blind.

Now gentle Painter, e're we leap on shore,
With thy last strokes ruffle a Tempest o'er;
As if in our reproach, the Wind and Seas
Would undertake the Dutch, while we take ease:
The Seas the spoils within our Hatches throw,
The Winds both Fleets into our Mouths do blow:
Strew all their Ships along the Shore by ours,
As eas'ly to be gather'd up as Flow'rs:
But Sand***ch fears for Merchants to mistake
A Man of War, and among Flowr's a Snake.
Two Indian ships pregnant with Eastern Pearl,
And Diamonds, sate th'Officers and Earl:
Then warning of our Fleet, he it divides
Into the Ports, and so to Oxford rides.
Mean while the Dutch uniting, to our shames,
Ride all insulting o'er the Downes and Thames!

Now treating Sand***ch seems the fittest choice
For Spain, there to condole, and to rejoyce:
He meets the French; but to avoid all harms,
Ships to the Groyn: Embassies bear no Arms:
There let him languish a long Quarantain,
And ne'er to England come, till he be clean.

Thus having fought, we know not why as yet;
We've done we know not what, nor what we get:
If to espouse the Ocean, all this pains
Princes unite, and do forbid the Bains:
If to discharge Phanaticks, this makes more;
For all Phanaticks are, when they are poor:
Or if the House of Commons to repay,
Their Prize-Commissions are transferr'd away:
But for triumphant Check-stones if, and shell
For Dutchess Closet, 't hath succeeded well.
If to make Parliaments as odious pass,
Or to reserve a standing force, alas!
Or if, as just, ORANGE to re-instate,
Instead of that, he is regenerate:
And with four Millions vainly giv'n as spent,
And with five Millions more of detriment,
Our sum amounts yet onely to have won
A bastard Orange for Pimp Arl****ton.

Now may Historians argue con and pro:
Denham says thus; though always Waller so:
And he good Man, in his long sheet and staff,
This pennance did for Cromwels Epitaph:
And his next Theam must be o'th Dukes Mistress,
Advice to draw Madam l' Edificatress.

Henceforth, O Gemini! two Dukes Command,
Castor and Pollux, Aumarle and Cumberland.
Since in one ship, it had been fit they'd went
In Petty's Double-Kneel'd Experiment.