Oxford Historical and Literary Studies Issued under the direction of C. H. Firth and Walter Raleigh: Professors of Modern History and English Literature in the University of Oxford: Volume 5: Henry Tubbe by G. C. Moore Smith |
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ON THE DOMINICAL NOSE OF O[LIVER] C[ROMWELL] |
 | Oxford Historical and Literary Studies |  |
ON THE DOMINICAL NOSE OF O[LIVER] C[ROMWELL]
A Blazing Star! a Metempsycosis
Of fierie Meteors! a blew, bloody Ghost
Transform'd to bee the Leader of an Host!
A Monument of that Mortalitie
Which ruines Kings, & Kingdoms doth defie;
A lively Picture of Destruction,
Impartiall Death, that spares & pityes none!
The Spirit of a Sanguine Constitution!
Our Great Reformers glorious Ammunition!
The Rubrick of a pious Combination!
The rooting Crest of a Through-Reformation!
If 't were i' th' Foot, as 't is i' th' Face, this Nose
Might goe for One of Mars's Peti-toes.
A brave confounding Nose! where you may looke
And read the goodly Title of Pryn's Booke
(The Levellers levell'd) and yet still wee feare
Hereafter those curst Currs will nose the Beare.
The Brass-hoof'd Bull 's dreadfull at more than horne,
Whose very breath with furious fires was borne,
Their nostrills too, like Tunnells, vapour'd flame,
For skin, arm'd likewise with a metall-frame;
I' th' reare, to make a compleat Battlement;
These Beasts, the Keepers of the Golden Fleece,
Their Blessed Cause, were just of such a Peice.
Without a wresting Comment it may passe
For Sampson's mighty Jaw-bone of an Asse!
Scanderbeg's Sword, Goliah's Weavers-Beam,
Alcides Club, the Fist of Polypheme,
The Giant's burly Hoofe with his Six Toes,
Are but weake Shadows of this valiant Nose.
A very sturdy, stout Sr Morglay Thwack;
Knotty & tough; squar'd wth a barke & back:
A Target-Nose; a Nose Offensive, and
Defensive; Lord Protectour of the Land.
True, trusty, Trojan-Gristles; Flesh & Blood
That stickles stoutly for the Publique Good!
A Hoghen-moghen Nose; a Teutch Commander;
A Roman-Duke; a Sage, Republick-Pander.
The Quarter-staffe of Liberties & Lawes;
The generous Tip-staffe to the Holy Cause;
A Magazine! indeed an Armorie
Of mischeife, ruine, and impietie!
O here 's a Knife & Voider for the nonce,
To sweepe away the Devill's Scraps & Bones!
Come all yee Drums of these Reforming Times!
Is not this Nose the Reason to your Rimes?
Doe not the Bells chime just as that doth smell?
To which Thought, Word, and Act, are paralell:
Are not your Lines so drawn, that each Saint goes,
As if Hee allwayes follow'd his Deare Nose?
Sing what you will, the Ditty still doth close
With this; the Burden ever lies i' th' Nose.
No Nose of Wax! no! no! but better Mould;
A Silver Oare purpled with veines of Gold!
That Gold, that Metall, which if such Shifts hold
Will touch & turne the very Age to Gold!
By counter-change of miracle this Creature
Of Man & Manhood beares a Mountaine-Feature.
Surmounted to this Mount, it will amount
By mounting parts, to a Mount Paramount.
A Fire-brand that (as 't is fear'd) will clamber
And mount aloft in state, like John-a-Chamber.
Vesuvius, Ætna, yeeld but little streams
Of Fury, match unto these whirling beams.
A Nose κατ' εξοχην, without a wager,
A Constellation, like ursa maior.
Hardnes of Heart! or Heart of Oake! firm Jelly!
In the wrong place, His Oxcellencie's Belly.
Without all doubt (quoth Rice ) I'll tell you truly.
Bugbeare-Bubulcus with a Bulke unruly.
The lofty Chaire-Nose of a Grand Committee!
The best Artillerie of all the City!
A Demi-culverin! a grey Granado!
A rufling Spanish Count! an Adalantado!
The Pulse of England's Fate! whereby wee know
The Scots most certaine finall Overthrow.
It will out-run a Race of rambling Red-Shanks:
'Tis thought to be the Soule o' th' Horse of Ned Banks.
ΚΟΣΜΟΠΟΛΙΤΗΣ Ran-tan! H. LEA
The French-man's Under'tanding o' t'e Foot
Is now praunc'd up into this active Spout.
The Quarrell is no more for Heart or Braine,
But for the Nose of Oliver Tamberlaine!
There's Valour, & Discretion too! enough
To farce a Brainlesse Tub with scribling Stuffe.
Sweare not feirce Bobadill (for Rime's sake Bombell)
The Foot of Pharoah, but the Nose of Cromwell.
No Idle Wen! no barren Tympanie!
That still portends the Bearer's destinie.
But a rich Bosse! a fruitfull Paragon!
Grave Wisdome's ripe Super-fœtation!
No aërie Puffe-past! march-pane-fripperie!
But a strong Crust of Immortalitie!
The Genius of Nations! a Roundhead
That cannot with One Common-wealth be bounded!
A Snout, that, when it snuffs & puffs, and blowes,
'Tis call'd the Inundation of a Nose
That drowns whole Worlds! a swelling Instrument,
That frets into a spurious Excrement!
A Nose to firke the Whore of Babylon
From her old querks of Superstition.
The Trophee of a warlike Complement!
A Squib of the Perpetuall Parliament.
A nimble, running Nose; so sharpe & quick
'T would fit the Head o' th' Body Politique.
O for a Quill of that Arabian Wing!
To write this High & Everlasting Thing!
Oh! here 's a Theme for crouding Similies
T'encounter with a Sinke of Villanies!
Or like the Man himselfe sans Wit or Feare,
After his journey preaching in a Chaire;
Or like Don Cozens wtgh his Cholerick Lookes,
Which catch at All like tearing Tenter-hooks:
Such is this pow'rfull Nose! The Mare is tam'd,
And the Two Men are pretty well reclaim'd:
All things submit at length! but this still spurns,
And kicks, & flings, & frisks, and turns & turns.
That chatters an immortall, dismal Knell;
Like a Dutch Peck-tun, that cries Victorie
In crackling flames of martiall Surquedrie;
Like the bent Beake of a fine, ougly Owle,
That tunes the Shreikes of a tormented Soule:
Such is this o'regrown Nose! The Bell may cease,
The Tun burne out, the Owle can hold his peace;
All things are mortall! but this chimes, and goes,
A pure, eternall, standing, stately, Nose!
Did threaten to devoure Him wth his Sword ;
Whose roaring Bombards bellow to the Skie;
Like spruce Nasutus or wild Polyposus,
Who ever & anon wth nose doe pose us:
Such is this gracious Nose! The Brown Boy's lost,
The Rimer crackt; Those are but Names at most!
All things doe yeeld in time! but this holds out
A Lusty Champion at every Bout.
And generall massacres, which no man scapes;
Like a briske Taper, proudly to disguise
Hell with the lustre of a Paradise;
Or like an Ignis fatuus, that doth run
To draw us to a swift Perdition:
Such is this flaming Nose! the Torch is out,
The Taper 's spent, the Fire receives a rout:
All things consume! but this still burns & fumes,
And fumes & burns, and stinks, yet ne're consumes.
Threatning destructions both to Sea & Land;
Like generating Smec. and All that can
Bee say'd of Him by the Best Wit of Man;
Like a plumpe Pudding with fat, sweatie Poares,
That, as it enters in the Throat, it goares:
Slips out of sight, and is no more a Storie;
The black & sootie Cacodæmon Smec.
With poor Presbyterie hath broake his Neck:
All things depart & dye, but this alone!
The Pudding hath two Ends, but this hath none!
And fifty Peices, in successfull Gales;
Or like the Swift-Sure with her Faster Hold,
And Rebell-Rangers, confident & bold;
Or like the Speaker with her Rhetorick
Of Ord'nance, Colours, & Disputing Dick .
Such is this flaring Nose! the Libertie
Is split; the Rest now not so fast and free!
All things decay at last! but this remaines
With tackle tight & stiffe, for endlesse gaines.
With Xerxes doth but whip the Hellespont;
Or like a senselesse Mad-man lash the Aire,
For by its Influence 't is every where!
'T is here! & there! an actuall, vertuall Nose;
Which, as the Weapon cures, so wounds his Foes.
A Way-bit to the Rest! The Text supposes
The short-hair'd Brethren yet may weare long Noses!
A proud ambitious Nose! that still doth rise
Ten hand-fulls higher than his towring Eyes.
An Iron-Whifler to the Brazen Front!
A Nose, that would have fitted John-a-Gaunt!
When He & Bradshaw meet, you would suppose
The Devill had S. Dunstane by the Nose.
A profound learned Nose! that can by art
Make a just judgment of the Subtle ------.
Most neer of kin to th' Mouth; for when it stretches
Porcupine-like, it can make heav'nly Speeches!
As Cuck-holds gigg their Hornes, which breake away,
So (like a branching Pedigree) it growes!
A Repetition Nose! a Nose! a Nose!
A bonny Nose! a Nose for Sweet Pig-wiggin!
An eloquent Nose! a Nose for Oratour Higgin!
A ranting Nose! a Nose for Radamanthus!
A Nose that like the Tower-Guns doth dant us!
A terrible Nose! a Nose that will affright us!
A sharpe-set Nose! a Nose with Teeth, to bite us.
A Nose so Glutton-like, it makes All even,
Devouring with a Stomack like a Stephen!
And snoares aloud, like that Geneva-Horse,
Damnation-Belly-full at every Course!
An angry Nose! wch, if it once take snuffe,
Will blow us all to Fitters with a puffe!
A Nose whose super-eminent Surplusage
Is far above Gamaliel Ratsey's Visage.
All wee can either say, or thinke (God knows)
Is but the Superfluitie of Nose.
Well then! to end! because Tautoligie
Cannot expresse his Geneologie;
I'll only wish, that when the World is made
By the large Drops of this All-conquering Blade,
A Common-shewer of nasty Over-throws,
That Hee & His were Nothing but All Nose.
Sur-mounted, or super-mounted, as if you wd say, mounted up, above the rest...I thought fit to give this Hint, because Words thus affected are not to be used but with caution & excuse....
A very upright, or downright Clown (wch yu will) much addicted to such vulgar terms of Asseveration; whose Person is here brought in, casting a Figure to retrive & conjure up Another like himselfe: for this flitting Vapor, this ranging Metaphour, this Addle-egg, a Shittle-brain'd, painted Purliew, a Renegado-Forme, this frantick Whirlegig, this trifling Runnagate, this any thing, this nothing, would be quite lost in a tardy Pursute of serious Ciphers.
κοσμοπολιτης. A Citizen of ye World. Such are the Saints of our twice-&-thrice blessed Reformation. Shifting Vagabonds, that make the Earth their Thorough-faire & their Home too. In-&-out Retainers! Off & on! Goers & Comers! Shufling Inmates, true sacred ungracious Libertines: that like a Sort of carelesse Pilgrims or bold Mendicant Friers, sneake up & down in every corner, and by a strange kind of Adoption, by way of Sanctified Plunder or Sequestration (for so Dominiū fundatur in gratiâ) take possession of each House as their own, freely & fairely (such is their admirable courtesie & behaviour) ingenuously & lovingly divide shares, and quarter upon the Common Stock. Creatures, that have their Habitation every where, though for a need they can cram their whole Lively-hood into a Beggarly Knap-sack: Things, that stick upon the Skirts of a Land as close & fast as a Crab-louse, and yet at a dead lift can skip like a Flea into any Nation. Sweet Vermin! mad Cattell! a Generation of Vipers! I know not how to decipher them!
This Scudder an Assembly-Rook with the other Cozens a fierie-faced quarrelsome Citizen I have some reason to know; with whom it was my fortune to travel into Wilt-shire. Being surnish'd wth a Coach, the Parson's Jade was allotted to a Friend of mine, & a true Roialist: whom because of his unruly tricks wee commonly stiled The Independent Mare. When wee came to our journey's end, the next day being Sun-day, Mr SC. was pleas'd to bestow a Serm. or two upon the House where wee lay: but finding himselfe very weary & tir'd wth travell, after a long Preface concerning the indifferent behaviour of Sitting or Standing in a Preacher, at last wth much reverence & devotion hee declin'd downwards, & glued his Big Buttocks to a Great Chaire, placed at the Upper End of a Table for that purpose; and in that posture deliver'd himselfe to his Auditorie all the time of his two tedious dull Sermons; with such admirable action to boot, as if He & his Beast had bin both of a Haire, most nearly allyed in their Carriage & Disposition.
The Reader is to understand that about that time, when the first Insurrection was in Scot-land, there came One of that Nation to our Universitie of CAMBRIDGE, where amongst others falling into the company of J. AMBR. a man of no comely Visage, or pleasing discourse, he at last fell out with him: upon which occasion One of our Prime Witts did in the Scotch-man's name frame a bold Challenge in Latine, which was im̄ediately sent unto his rough Antagonist: who upon the first View was mightily perplexed, and varied his swarthy Countenance into many terrible aspects, till at length hee was willing to conceive some releife from the last word of that feirce Invitation: illicò adorietur, he will presently adore thee: a strange Interpretation! proceeding from a Person of so little reverence & beauty, such great learning & profound valour. For ye better apprehension of this Honourable Cōplexion I have here inserted a Copy of the Defyance. Ne succenseas Domine, quod vindictam mihi obsonare studeam injuriis tuis lacessitus: meus famelicus gladius prandeat necesse in tuo corpore, nisi quod carnẽ tuā vilioris gustus fastidiat: nigrũ corpus index animi plus quàm Diabolici: at ego nulla reformido spectra: Capessas igitur ensem, simulque designes locũ, quando, et ubi pugnandum: aliàs invenies hostem, qui tibi prœcipiet eligendi vices, & ubicunque invenerit, ilicò adorietur. Qui ita tuus, ut ipsa viscer intrare cupit. Ad Imaginẽ tuā, Nigrā ursam. Thus in English. Sir, you may not take it ill, that I desire to glut my revenge exalted to an appetite by your injuries: my hungry Sword must needs dine upon your body, unlesse happily it may loath & abhor flesh of such a vile unsavourie tast: that black carcase is an evident Signe of a mind worse than the Devill: but however I fear no apparitions: therefore provide your weapon, and withall designe the place, when & where wee must fight: otherwise yu shall find an enemy, that will soon instruct yu in the course of an election; and wthout any delay, in good earnest will embrace you at the first opportunitie of our next meeting. Who is so yours, as that he covets to enter into your very Bowells. At your own Signe, the Black Beare.
An Adventurer in that Ship, One that desiring to be wise takes greatest delight starting Questions & resolving Riddles; by his profession a zealous Cooke, or (if yu please) Fritter-Seller of Great Brittain.
St. M. once a Grave Divine of the illiterate Mixt Assembly, who at a Wedding Feast having eaten a little more than his Share of a Jole of Salmon, and afterwards taken in a full Quart of Sack for disgestion, most devoutly cried out, Blessed be God! how good the Creatures are, being us'd with moderation!
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